Ask Dr Louise .

Q I got divorced two years ago after 22 years of marriage. My husband and I met as students but as he became successful and made lots of money he changed.

He wanted to drive the best car. He started hanging out with people he viewed as important and our old friends weren’t good enough anymore. The simple things we used to enjoy became mundane for him.

My husband overstretched himself financially a few times and I bailed him out as I had my own income. Then I became ill and couldn’t work for a while. During this time my husband went to Cape Town. He said it was for work but he never came back. He met someone else, fell in love and filed for divorce. He’s now married to this woman.

My family says he just used me while I was earning money. I can’t believe he was so unfeeling – he left me when I needed him most. I’m struggling to come to terms with how he could have fooled me for the 22 years we were married. Why could I not see through him? Tersia, email

A Unfortunately money has the power to corrupt, and people whose self-esteem is dependent on how others view them are easily corrupted. When they become affluent they suddenly have many “friends” and are accepted into circles they weren’t able to move in before. These things become important to them because they believe image, material wealth and influence are all that matters.

The bottom line is you and your ex-husband have different values. It sounds as if he no longer put any stock in the things that count in life – honest, unconditional love, real friends who support you no matter what and spending quality time with your loved ones.

Your ex-husband’s values seem to depend on money and possessions. He didn’t fool you. It appears he was quite open about it. But you probably looked past it because you loved him. Don’t waste time or energy on it any more. Look at it this way – you can now make a fresh start as you’re no longer trapped in his way of life.