Don’t get caught short on your next flight

Picture the scene: You’re on a small commercial plane, it’s been almost two hours since you boarded and you really need to relieve yourself.

But the only toilet on board is taped up with a stuck-on notice reading “Toilet Unserviceable”.

You share your dilemma with the cabin crew and their response is to hand you a bottle.

That wasn’t Stuart Berry’s experience, but he witnessed a fellow male passenger forced to relieve himself into that bottle on a Cemair flight from Johannesburg to Maun in December.

He stood up, faced the window and hunched over in a bid to preserve as much dignity as he could on that 19-seater Beechcraft 1900D.

“The pilot apologised,” Berry said, but he and his wife encountered the same issue on their return flight a week later.

“I later engaged the airline and was told: ‘Please note that based on our T’s and C’s, this doesn’t constitute a case for any compensation’.”

“The flight was advertised with a specific aircraft and a flight time of around one hour and 20 minutes, but on our arrival it had been substituted with a smaller plane with a longer flying time.

“At no point were we warned about the fact that there was no toilet on board,” Berry said.

Incidentally, water and alcohol was provided on a self-service basis on those flights.

My first thought was: surely civil aviation regulations require airlines to provide at least one working toilet for passengers on flights of more than an hour, or 90 minutes? Apparently not.

“This is not regulated,” Cemair

CEO Miles van der Molen told me.

“We are a full member of IATA (the International Air Transport Association) and adhere to their requirements,” he said.

Cemair’s Beech 1900s, operating on routes including Durban-Bloemfontein and Bloemfontein-George, had done about 30,000 flights “without lavatories”, Van der Molen said.

As for why passengers, who would most likely assume there was a toilet on board, were not forewarned, he said: “Our terms and conditions state that not all aircraft are lavatory equipped and the check-in staff inform passengers if their flight is not lavatory equipped.

“Gate staff remind passengers before boarding the bus if the aircraft is not lavatory equipped.

“Crew advise during boarding that the aircraft is not lavatory equipped.

“Spot checks are done to ensure passengers are informed at these stages.”

Berry insists that wasn’t their experience.

“There was no information on the ticket or at check-in about the lack of a toilet facility,” he said. “Eight other passengers will attest to this.”

So how long are passengers expected to have no need of a toilet?

The Johannesburg to Maun flight is technically one hour, 45 minutes outbound and one hour, 35 minutes return, Van der Molen said.

“But due to ongoing congestion, ground handling and parking bay issues, which were particularly pronounced in December, we increased our flight times.”

Of course, that’s only wheels-up time.

The actual time passengers are stuck in an aircraft cabin from boarding until they emerge at the destination airport is far longer.

That can be a very long time without access to a toilet for a child, the many adults with a relevant health issue, or anyone who gets a sudden, expected need for one.

It happens.

So I asked the CEO: “There is a toilet aboard those aircraft.

“For the convenience of your guests, why not make it a functional toilet?

“That would spare your staff from having to warn your passengers of the lack of lavatory services, and be hugely appreciated by many of your passengers, no doubt.”

“That’s not going to happen, he said.

“Those toilets will remain non-functional because it’s difficult to contain the odour.

“We have in the past had these lavatories designated for emergency use, but even the blue toilet chemical itself has a strong odour, particularly when the aircraft is parked and closed,” he said.

“We have found that encouraging passengers to plan their needs either side of the flight is the most successful strategy.

“And what if someone wasn’t forewarned and was caught short on board — would it still be the case that no compensation was deemed necessary?

“We don’t work to passengers’ expectations,” he said.

“We work to terms and conditions and information, as each individual holds a personal view point.”

Take that! Someone who did realise, prior to boarding, that there was no working toilet on board and chose to “opt out” as a result, would be refunded, Van der Molen said.

Having seen a cringeworthy photo (taken from behind) of that man on Berry’s flight relieving himself into a bottle, I had to ask: are any special provisions made for women passengers who can’t hold it in? A cup, maybe?

“No,” the CEO said.

“We don’t differential (sic) on passengers’ gender on our flights.”

I wish I was making this up. I found several reviews on the likes of Tripadvisor and HelloPeter by Cemair passengers who spent more than two hours in one of those cabins and were appalled by the lack of a loo.

“The discomfort and inconvenience this caused [passengers] was palpable,” one said.

It may not be a legal issue, but it definitely has a lot do with respect for the dignity and comfort of one’s passengers.