Helping people through cycle of life
DEATH is just another adventure.
That is the approach of Mary Ryan, who is a teacher, a priest, a home carer, and one much less recognisable profession: a death doula.
She is the founder of the Soul Carers Network, which is a growing group of people based in Cape Town, trained by Ryan to give spiritual and emotional support to dying people and their loved ones.
“All of life is an adventure, and I believe death is another adventure,” Ryan said. “The soul has a journey to make. It can journey from a very traumatic ending, or it can be supported.”
Traditionally, a doula is a non-medical companion who supports a woman in the process of giving birth. Similar to a birth doula, a death doula is a supportive companion – but for the process of the soul exiting the world instead of entering it.
“Even in the best facilities, many elderly and people with terminal illnesses face death in a lonely, fearful and unsupported way. Often it is chaotic. Soul Carers spend time with people towards the end of life, assisting them to gracefully close off the circle of their lives.”
Ryan has her doctorate in theological ethics, focusing on ethics of care. Through her work as a priest and as a carer, she noticed that she was good at supporting dying people and their families through the process of life ending. She completed specialised training in the UK, and has since designed her own training course specific to South Africa. She now offers part-time training courses for those who would like to become Soul Carers, including practical training at institutions such as St Luke’s Hospice.
“Anyone can do it, if you have a heart and compassion.”
In a session, a death doula would be led by the needs of the patient, referred to as a “friend”. The carer could provide conversation about death and dying, facilitate reconnection or resolving of issues with family members, or offer simple therapeutic activities such as massage, gardening or listening to music. The carer could also guide prayer or meditation, and help by writing down a memoir of the dying person’s life.
“My encounters in mainstream elder care facilities and hospitals, where end of life happens, is that the technological thrust gets in the way of basic care and compassion,” Ryan said. “There’s a gap, and that’s why I’m doing this work. We need people who have the confidence to work at this interface between life and death.”
Elspeth Muirhead said having Ryan’s support and care for her elderly mother has been an immense relief.
“My mom has some dementia,” Muirhead said. “She nearly died twice and she was having severe anxiety attacks, bad dreams, she was troubled and frightened of dying.”
Muirhead called in Ryan’s Soul Carers services on the recommendation of a friend.
“I felt awkward; I didn’t know how to approach a conversation about death or dying or spiritual stuff. I thought if anyone could help my mother come to terms with dying, Mary could.”
In their sessions together, Ryan is able to offer some of the spiritual guidance that Muirhead’s mother sorely missed ever since she became too unwell to go to church.