EXTRAORDINARY PARENTAL LOVE
A couple look after two disabled children while bringing up others
ON JULY 30, 1954, my parents Ganas and Sumba Govender were blessed with their first daughter Priscilla.
Little did they know that she would be unable to speak. My mom was just 17 and my dad was 24 at that time. They were then blessed with another two girls, my sisters Joyce and Treza.
On January 3, 1963, they were overjoyed with the birth of a baby boy – my brother Sathie. Thereafter, my brother Tony and me, Grace, were born. As my brother Sathie grew up it became evident that he was mentally retarded Through my years of growing up, my parents paid most of their attention to my brother and sister.
My brother, especially, was troubled with ill health from the time of his birth. Throughout my dad's working years the family was covered by medical aid, so it wasn't a problem when it came to medical bills.
My mom (Sumba) is an extraordinary woman; she was their eyes, mouth, ears and hands. She knew when they were hungry, when they needed to go to the loo or if they were not feeling well.
She used to feed my brother, together with my sister, at the table. When it was their bath time she would take both into the bathroom and bath them one at a time. They never missed a meal.
My sister’s favourite meal was roti and my brother’s favourite was cake. He loved it so much that you would always hear him repeat the words “cake, cake, cake, cake”.
Even though I'm the youngest, Sathie was like my youngest brother and I used to call him “Soothi”. My mom would take my brother to a psychiatric clinic on a monthly basis. Sometimes she had to take the bus and it was difficult to control him. However, they were never deprived of anything in life. Whenever my parents or family went out , be it to a holiday chalet, or for a picnic, they were taken along. Rearing them was not easy for my mom, but she never complained. There were times my brother would walk away from home when the gate was left open by mistake.
My mom endured sleepless nights because at times my brother never used to sleep; they would walk up and down all through the night. As the years passed we all grew up, got married and went our own ways. Life became even more stressful for mom after my dad developed Alzheimer’s as he grew older.
My brother and sister always looked forward to our visits. Their broad smiles said it all. My sister had the habit of walking on her tippy toes and clapping her hands when she was happy. My brother on the other hand would stand by the gate looking out for our arrival. Everyone in my family right down to nieces and nephews treated them like little children.
One fateful Friday morning in April 2007, at my sister's home, my brother came rolling down a flight of stairs. He lay unconscious on the floor below. We all prayed that he would regain consciousness. After the fall my brother’s health deteriorated.
His left arm was paralysed and he used to continuously grind his teeth. The teeth grinding was so bad that it was hard to feed him.
All this time more of my mom’s attention was focused on my brother.
In November that same year my sister Priscilla became very ill with double pneumonia.
She was put on a five-day continuous intravenous treatment. I will never forget the way she screamed when the doctor connected the drip to her.
On the third day as she lay down on the bed with the drip, she stared at me as if she wanted to say something to me. My mum took a break to go to the restroom so I was left alone with her. I told her I was sorry she had to go through such pain.
Tears rolled down her cheeks as she lay there, then my mum walked in. She wiped away her tears and said to her “you never called me Ma once, at least say Ma today”. I looked at both of them with eyes full of tears as my mom cried. My sister understood what my mom said because you could her eyes so sad and full of tears. On January 7, 2008, we lost our sister. She never did get around to calling mom Ma.
Meanwhile, my brother's struggle for life carried on even though he was so ill. He eventually was bedridden and practically starved to death. The last few days of his life was a terrible sight to witness.
His fight ended on August 29, 2008. My parents lost two children seven months apart. This changed their lives drastically; now they are losing their strength and we as their children cannot bear to see that.
To my mom, you are a living angel, and you have done a sterling job raising us all. All we want is for God to bless you both with good health.
“Ma, if I could trade places with you now, I would do it anytime just so I don't see you age and become helpless.
“I speak on behalf of my brother and sisters. We are so proud and blessed to have you, Ma and Dad, as our parents.
We salute you both for the tremendous care and love that was given to Sathie and Priscilla.
To the youngsters out there … love and honour your parents while they are still around.
Life is not about who we are or how much money you have in the bank. Just be thankful to God for who you are because there are always people worse off than you.