Cape Argus

ALL THE DREAM NEEDS IS A COAT OF BRIGHT PAINT

- DAVID BIGGS dbiggs@glolink.co.za

In these gloomy pandemic times we need a touch of lightness and fun.

Hey, c’mon, it’s springtime. The dams are full and the flowers are in bloom and there still a few parts of the country the politician­s haven’t managed to break yet.

An old friend came to visit me the other day and stood on my patio gazing across False Bay in awe.

“You are SO lucky,” he said. “This must be the most beautiful view in the world. Tourists would pay a fortune to experience this.”

He began to paint a colourful mental picture and as he described a possible future for the South Peninsula, I became increasing­ly excited.

“Imagine a Holiday Express train service running every hour between Muizenberg and Simon’s Ttown. Tourists would be able to buy a day ticket and be allowed to hop on and off at any of the stations along the line.

What an experience it would offer – a swim at Muizenberg beach, tea at St James, fish and chips for lunch at Kalk Bay before stopping to shop in Fish Hoek and go on to explore historic Simon’s Town.

“Dad could enjoy a drink along the way as he is not driving. Vendors could sell souvenirs and snacks from kiosks on the platforms.

“The holiday train would be painted in cheerful holiday colours – red and white striped roof, pictures of fishes and gulls on the sides, clouds and blue sky around the windows. It could be handed over to an art school as a painting project for students.”

The wonderful thing about this dream is that the infrastruc­ture is already all there – the railway lines, the power cables, the stations and platform. Maybe there’s still an unbroken train lurking in a shed somewhere? All it requires is a coat of bright paint.

I am sure that even as you read this the politician­s are crouched in their lairs, shaking their heads and thinking of at least 100 reasons why it can’t be done. There are different department­s involved, trade unions to consult, corruption charges to be calculated, cadres appointed to directorsh­ips ... it’s all just too complicate­d for us ordinary people to understand.

Okay, forget it. It was just a dream Still...

Last Laugh

An Irish tourist was returning from holiday when he was stopped at Dublin Airport.

The customs officer looked in his suitcase and took out a suspicious-looking bottle.

“What does this contain, sir?” He asked.

“It’s holy water, officer. I have just been visiting Lourdes.”

The official opened the bottle and sniffed the contents.

“It smells like whiskey, sir,” he said.”

Lord be praised!” said the Irishman. “Another miracle!”

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