Loony tunes at the luggage claim
WHAT is it about airport baggage carousels that turn calm, rational people into irrational, panicky morons? As they’re released into airport terminals, passengers storm towards luggage collection like a litter of puppies descending on a bowl of porridge.
Eyes dart left and right to ascertain which carousel will deliver their bags: “It’s number four!” shouts the sharpest scout in the pack, in a tone so triumphant it’s as if he’s discovered a cure for the common cold.
And why not? For a few seconds, he’s the undisputed Pied Piper of the rat race.
Husbands direct wives and children, “Quickly! Get a trolley!” And, because seizing and hoisting cases from the carousel is manly work, they scuttle off to secure pole position up front alongside the conveyor. Of course, the closer you get to the chute from which the bags are ejected, the better. But stay alert once you’re there: truly zealous grab-my-bag-firstagainst-all-odds contestants are not above ramming trolleys into ankles when they spot an opening, however tiny.
Jostling for position around the belt, the tension mounts. When will it start up? When will the first bag appear? Will it be mine? Will I see it in time? Will it appear at all? What if someone else takes it?
And lo, then it starts. As the first bags emerge, the real madness begins. Wives lean forward, slap children out of the way and strain their eyes to spot their cases so they can alert their manly lifters in time. God forbid that a suitcase should be left to travel around the carousel twice. The shame of it!
But, sometimes, bags are identified late. Or the designated bag grabber underestimates the weight of a case. The result is a desperate lurch across the belt and dangerous staggering as grabber hangs desperately on to case. Pulled forward and offbalance, he cannot lift it up. But will he relinquish it? At the Brussels Zaventem Airport last week, I witnessed a small Spanish man throw himself across a large suitcase. He hung on to it like a pit bull terrier on a rope as it dragged him around, resulting in an ugly four-person pile-up carousel-side.
The good news is that aircraft manufacturer Airbus recently teamed up with technology company T-Systems and luggage maker Rimowa to develop “smart” luggage technology, which means you’ll never have to go near a carousel again. Bag2Go is a suitcase with a smart chip and location-based technology that stores flight information. Bags are collected from your home or hotel, checked in, transported and delivered to your destination independently. They’ll be delivered to you even if flights are changed or cancelled at short notice, or a connecting flight is not made.
Using an iPhone app, you can track them from departure to delivery. The software also registers whether the bag has been opened en route, and advises when and where this occurred. Airbus estimates the service will cost $13 a trip, which is a small price to pay to avoid nut-case behaviour around the carousel.