Bulldozing Bullies
A FRIEND and I were discussing a bullying incident that happened to her child. Since my children know the kid, I had to make them aware and help them process what was going on. As much as I want to sugarcoat bad incidents, I have to make my children conscious that the world will not cater to them. They have to learn to be tough because bullying, pettiness, and immature behavior are not just stuff for elementary school kids. It still happens after graduation, with grownups being the worst kind of bullies.
That being said, as much as it's easy to say ignore negative people or don't let their words/ behavior affect you; if it is happening to you, you just cannot let go of it that easily. It is so hard to turn a blind eye, act deaf, or pretend that what they say doesn't really matter. Being physically punched would have been better because, at least, you have bruises as proof that you've been beaten up. But words... words can cut deep and pierce the heart. They cut deeper than knives, which can't be pulled out; and once heard, can no longer be unheard, slowly eating away your soul.
I guess it's pretty safe to assume, that all of us have at one point in time met people who made us feel terrible—the toxic types who want us to fail, who dull our shine, or who simply bring negative vibes wherever they go. Even in social media, bashers and haters who seem to find joy in making others feel miserable abound. What do we do when we encounter such antagonistic people? How do we rise above them that want to hold us down? The last thing we all need is people thinking the worst of us, when it is already a struggle to believe the best about ourselves.
1) Turn to people who genuinely care
We have to learn to identify the people who can be our rock and who will carry as through the hard times. Thankfully, I can always run to my husband, my trustworthy friends, my bro, and most of all, my father. They know me inside-out, they don’t coddle me, and they tell me to my face when I am wrong. For instance, my dad has always showed by example that it's ok to cry, but once you've let it out, you have to pick yourself up and rise above it all. He also reminds me to pray and count my blessings because it is more rewarding to be an awesome-finder than a fault-finder.
2) You are not everyone's cup of tea
We cannot please everyone, just as everyone cannot please us. And that’s fine! We need to avoid spending time with people who only ruin our day. It is not because we're scared but because we deserve better. Anything that doesn't add value and only brings us down must be let go.
Love the ones who treat us right and pray fervently for the ones who don't. If all else fails, the best way to strip bullies of their power is to kill them with kindness. It’s not ka-plastican (fake) to be cordial; it shows maturity. It is acknowledging that you can co-exist peacefully in spite of the differences.
3) Their hate is not your burden to carry
The older I get, the more I realize I have no tolerance for drama, conflict, and stress. I want to be around happy people, doing positive things, and enjoying life. The reason life is precious is because it ends, so I live mine well.
If anyone doesn't like me or what I am doing with my life, I respect their opinion. But please realize I am living my life and not anyone else’s. Negative people will always hate; but I’ve decided to stick with love as hate is a great burden to carry. What will you choose?
4) Plan your course of action
When we encounter bullies, the immediate question is: what do we do—avoid or retaliate? Personally, I've told my own children that if someone bullies them in school, tell the teacher first. If the bully insists on starting a fight, I've given my kids permission to finish it. We can't allow people to abuse us.
That being said, now as a mom, I personally dislike confrontations with my peers. We can discuss things calmly as mature adults. I don't have the time, inclination, or energy for drama. When faced with a tough situation, consider: will it matter in 5 minutes, the end of the day, or in a year? Then, move on. The only thing that truly matters is family (and genuine friends)!
5 Affirm yourself
Know your true worth. If you can't love yourself, no one else will! I had experienced backstabbing as an adult too, and it still stung. I had to repetitively tell myself that the problem isn't me. The buddies I grew up with from elementary/hs/college are still my friends to this day. The people I've met while living overseas are also still my friends now. I had to dig deep into my own core so I could strengthen myself and not let the negative words take over. Of course, I acknowledge that I myself am a work in progress who’s not perfect, but this is not a license for people to be mean. Because NO one is perfect!
6) Step up
I will never understand how others can be happy when others are down. Why!? Negativity is the thief of joy. When we see these things happening to other people, it’s our duty to step up. Being silent in the face of injustice means we are complicit with the oppressor.
It doesn't mean starting a fight. A small hug, smile, or simple words of affirmation will be appreciated by someone who is down. The smallest thing can be a really big thing to someone else. Choose kindness, always.
To this day, I am still unsure why people choose to treat others shabbily. Misunderstandings are normal, even siblings fight, but to exert so much negativity to put someone down is abnormal. I too may have encountered some bullies in my life, but I've long forgiven them for the pain they inflicted. No matter what they say, it’s ok because my actions will speak louder than their words. In fact, I am thankful for them. Things happen for a reason, and they were sent to teach me a lesson; making me into a stronger, kinder, and more tolerant person. And because of them, I’ve been more blessed!
This being the New Year, it is the perfect chance for us to start fresh with a clean slate. God is the one who reigns supreme and He never sleeps. Only He can play God, judging everyone. As for us, we can only judge and fix our own self! What's more essential is trumping hate by showering our fellow men with kindness, compassion, and love.
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