NNAMDI KANU – ‘ANONYMOUS NIPPLES’ FOR THE MAN

What is my own with all these hullabaloos? My own na to sell book. As I see this bro, be like say he go tey inside the gulag and with all that time in his hands and his reported love for ‘woman’, I feel I should gift him with this my new book. It has over 100 well taken and salacious pictures that he will love. Since he no go fit do the real thing again na, he can be looking the picture and be reading one page per day and start all over again and read the whole book over 1,000 times. For me, this was just a sad waste. This man is brilliant, a genius. A man with no structures but a strong gift of the garb, a powerful mobilization capacity and a strong understanding of the fine art of manipulation and cohesion now decided to take all that talent to cause mayhem, violence and even attempt a dismemberment of a great nation like this. We have been regaled with so many stories of how he was rendered – for those of you wey no know these things na sophisticated way of saying captured. The whole thing is looking like a James Bond movie complete with woman matter and designer wears with black hood to make the whole thing Nollywood worthy. My own is that never should we allow this kind of thing. Bad leadership, inept, shallow and nepotistic leadership breeds these kinds of things. This is a sad report on the kind of leadership that we have had in this country because it breeds fertile soil for the rise of this kind of madness. Never again, we should all scream, never again.

I had the pleasure to sit with one of the most cerebral leaders in this country, and he asked me – ‘Edgar, what kind of leader do we look for come 2023, and how are we going to get that leader?’ I look the bro, and I tell am very candidly that we need a ‘calming leader’. Then he asked how will that leader emerge in 2023? Will he just drop from the sky and I say, bro I no know o. Just give me the money for tickets to my play Aremu and Awo make I dey go. But before I left, he took me through a very powerful exposition on leadership, our historical trajectory, the role of foreign powers and the need for us to wake up from this slumber and ended it with a beautiful exhortation that he has no Plan B and would end up in his village in a loincloth. I loved him and gave him a 20 per cent discount on the tickets. My sentiments, essentially. We are faced with the most challenging leadership ever since 1914, and our only reaction to this na Nnamdi Kanu and Igboho? Are we mad as a people? Something must really be wrong with this our country. This generation of 30 to 60, na we no get sense. The older generation fought to keep us together even though they are the ones who have caused and still are instrumental to this fire we are in. Our reaction as the bridge generation is to be jumping and be shouting Plan B or separation. Look, when Duchess catch me with woman (plenty woman sef not only one) she say she no do again. It was tough o. She say, she want separation and I must buy her house as compensation – this one was watching too many American films. House with my N70,000 Magnum Trust Bank salary? Mbok, no let me laugh for this serious matter. We went to so many counsellors and pastors and as we were entering, I gave terms of reference. Divorce or separation is not an option. Every other thing I will do. Even one ‘woli’ they take us to said he will flog me seven strokes with the cane Yoruba people call atori so that my thing will only stand for Duchess. I say oya and the baba flog me o. One craze prophet o for Agege, he truly flog me o. But some of us are born polygamist, no cure for it. The point here is that once you commit, you commit. You don’t run away at the slightest challenges. That is the sacrifice of leadership we should be looking for in 2023. We should say never again. We should as a nation begin the search for credible calming leadership anywhere he comes from. Me I will vote Fulani or Tiv or even Igbira if I see the qualities. We are 200 million vibrant, colourful, characters. We are the cynosure of the world; a gathering of Nigerians is usually admired anywhere. Our clothes, our food, our women, our culture, our attitudes, everything: we are unique and wonderfully made. Mbok, see me dey sound like Pastor Adefarasin before he see vision of Plan B. That one sef, when he want to run, he should sha let me come and collect his kaftan o, dey can fine. Let’s get serious, no time.

She say daddy why. I say just switch off your phone before she go read the story of how a 21-year-old stab a 50-year-old man to death. I cannot be a statistic. My epitaph must-read – here lies a patriotic and passionate Nigerian - not here lies the Duke strangled with condoms. I am a man of history. When she off the phone, I say I am coming. She say where are you going? I say I want to greet someone outside. That is how I land in Shomolu o. Enter my room, lock the door and start to fear. My people, forget the hypocrites. Try and get a hotel room in Lekki on a Friday evening. You will see that the real pandemic is not COVID-19 but this thing. I tell you. The economic deprivations, insecurity of middle age and general fall in morality are fueling this cradle snatching. Drugs, immoral behaviour and erosion of our cultural ethos are the bane of society today. I will not comment more than this because a police investigation is ongoing. All I will say is that as a 50-year-old, afang-eating, porn-loving Nigerian middle-aged man, he go hard for a 21-year-old no matter the size of her hips to neutralise me. I will use my last power, grab her throat with my left hand and raise her from the ground while screaming and use my right hand to pull the knife away from my scrotum and throw her outside of the window, making sure she lands on the Lekki bridge and Lagos state people will collect their toll gate fee before her body land inside the lagoon. I tell you. But seriously, this is sad for society in general and sadder for the families on both sides involved. It’s time we all woke up and smelt the coffee. The level of