And Four Other Things...
Satirist and singer Tom Lehrer famously said political satire became obsolete when “war criminal” Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1973. Now that the National Assembly is at the forefront of the fight against corruption in Nigeria, satire has gone into coma. The same National Assembly that lampooned the DSS for raiding the homes of judges, insisting that financial crimes are not under the agency’s purvey, has now used a “financial crime” report by the same DSS to halt the confirmation of Mr. Ibrahim Magu as EFCC chairman. I’ve not said Magu is a saint, but I have lost my sense of humour since Thursday when the lawmakers joined the antigraft war. Hilarious.
Two of my favourite Nigerian comedians are currently in President Muhammadu Buhari’s cabinet. One is Comrade Solomon Dalung, minister of youth, sports and comedy. The other is “Pastor” Babachir Lawal, secretary to the government of the federation and laugh-master general of the federation. There is no time he talks that I don’t laugh away my sorrows. So an engineering firm founded by him got N200m payments from a grass-cutting contract awarded by an agency under his office and people are calling on him to resign. Can’t people see that he has disengaged from the company? The only thing he does now is sign the cheques and collect dividends. Balderdash.
When I was a tiny little boy, I heard about the activities of “money doublers”. If you gave the native doctors one naira, they would double it to two naira, I used to hear. I always wondered how they did it — and why they were not doing it for themselves. But I was not intelligent enough to know that I was not supposed to understand how it works. Now, money doubling has gone online. From your smart phone, you can double your money. All you need do is go on a website, register, transfer money to some account and your money will double in no time. As easy as ABC. The seduction by native doctors has gone digital. My, My, My. You sure look good tonight. Greed.
All (the bad) roads lead to Umuokoro Eziama, Ngor Opkala LGA, Imo state, on December 27-28, 2016, when my friend, brother and partner-in-crime, Chidi ‘Uzor, buries his sweet mother, Mrs Grace Chinyere Uzor Anugwa, who recently died at 101. The real story, though, is that Mama, through sheer tenacity and courage, sponsored all her five children in school — singlehanded. This was after the devastating civil war when nobody in the south-east had food to eat, much less scholarships. Chidi clearly inherited his mother’s never-say-die gene. He has moved from being a journalist to owning a microfinance bank — by hard work, discipline and imagination. Inspiration.