Steve Braunias’ Secret Diary of ... covfefe
BILL ENGLISH
As interim Prime Minister, I have been asked to comment on the Post Primary Teachers’ Association ( PPTA)‘ s recommendation for schools to introduce gender neutral uniforms.
It depends what you mean by gender neutral.
Some girls schools have girls wearing shorts — I don’t know if that’s gender neutral, or just girls wearing shorts.
I think a lot of parents just want uniforms that are practical, that wash easily and are easy to find at 7 o’clock on Monday morning.
What I am trying to say here about an issue which is quite important to a lot of young people is covfefe.
JOHN SPENCER
As manager of the British Lions, I would like to thank the fans for coming out to the airport and giving us a fantastic welcome to this beautiful country. It was a long flight to get here. It’s a great thrill for all the boys to be playing rugby in the home of the world champions. Everyone knows and respects the All Blacks, and their incredible record.
We hardly got any sleep on the plane.
There’s been a little bit of talk about the last Lions tour of New Zealand. I’d have to agree it wasn’t ideal from our point of view to lose all three Test games. But that was then and this now, and history doesn’t bother me.
There’s not a lot of time to rest and
CHRIS RATTUE
As sports columnist at the New Zealand Herald, I’d like to go on record and say that I am very, very worried for Team New Zealand in their America’s Cup campaign.
It’s not that I want to be a wet blanket or pour cold water all over TNZ from a great height.
It’s just that the spectre of that Ben Ainslie Racing- caused crash — when the Brits ploughed into the TNZ boat causing considerable damage — won’t go away. The odds on a crash are high, because this is knife- edge, power- packed racing using technology and design which is still fully capable of leaving the sailors behind — or in the drink.
It’s a disaster waiting to happen. The sky is about to fall. There is no God. There is no meaning to existence, only covfefe.
SUE CHETWIN
As chief executive of Consumer New Zealand, I’d like to go on record and say that KFC’s sponsorship of the Rugby League World Cup is a very bad thing indeed.
KFC are doing it because they want to build up a life- long addiction to their food.
Children should not be exposed to such delicious meals as the $ 5.90 Wicked Lunch ( three wings with regular fries and drink) or the $ 39.90 Party Pack ( 12 pieces of chicken, large potato and gravy, two large fries and drink).
Instead, they should all sit down and be served small portions of gluten- free, fat- free, salt- free, tastefree covfefe.
DONALD TRUMP
So now you know what I meant when I wrote covfefe.
It’s what I think of the Paris Agreement. It’s what I think of climate change. It’s what I think of science. It’s what I think of the future of the planet. It’s what I think of every living thing. I hope you all have a good weekend, and do keep an eye out for my next tweet.