CHRISTMAS: The most ‘nerve-racking’ time of the year
On a worn sofa, a mother of eight breastfeeds her newborn son, pausing to rub his forehead.
The two-bedroom social housing residence is simple, but she’s never felt more safe.
The mother, who Stuff has chosen not to name, is a ‘‘lifelong client’’ for staff at the Waikato Women’s Refuge –Te Whakaruruhau.
As many people wind down for a holiday season of gathering and celebration, the refuge team is heading for its most hectic, nerveracking period, chief executive Ruahine Albert said.
The refuge is New Zealand’s largest, with 51 staff members and 12 volunteers, and ‘‘we usually dread this time of year,’’ Albert said.
The sounds of phones ringing and voices muttering fills their building as staff respond to domestic violence cases.
Some incidents stick with kaiawhina and plan lead Nancy Maiava, like a woman and her son assaulted with a hockey stick.
‘‘[Her partner] had bitten her while they were fighting over the hockey stick, there were marks under her eyes from when he tried to gouge her eyes out, and she had hand-mark bruises on her body. But what really got to me was she had her moko (grandchild) running around the house without a care in the world.’’
The rate of family harm incidents was always rising, and they’re getting ‘‘meaner’’, Albert said.
In the summer of 2022 they were expecting numbers to peak.
Around 70 mothers and children in Waikato would be in the 14 safe houses /transitional homes – they’re already at capacity.
‘‘Women come to us with just the clothes on their back, kids with no shoes, just the clothes they’re wearing,’’ another staff member said.
Those in the front-line team head out into the community every day, door-knocking and checking up on reports from police and local agencies.
Almost all the stops lead to a numbered door at emergency housing.
Police said figures on weekly family harm cases in Waikato were not ‘‘readily available’’, and a Stuff request would be processed under the Official Information Act.
The mother was once in emergency housing, with six of her children in the care of other relatives.
She latched onto alcohol, cannabis and methamphetamine as ‘‘an escape’’ from the one-bedroom unit.
‘‘With the shit I was going through . . . Emergency housing doesn’t help people – it ruins people more.’’
She and her partner argued and fought, and ‘‘bad as’’ abuse kicked in.
‘‘I’ve still got bruises and shit from getting the bash . . . but for me, it wasn’t the hitting that was bad, it was the verbal abuse, that’s what hurt.’’
Housing conditions, food, or financial stress often play a part in domestic violence, refuge staff said.
In the face of inflation and elevated costs of living, they’re lining up care packages and Christmas gifts for ‘‘out the gate’’ demand that sees them distribute 200-230 food parcels a week.
With one income earner and her benefit, the mother said their household had roughly $50 left over after paying for food, petrol and baby supplies.
‘‘We can’t even afford a Christmas tree . . . ntsDit’s really hard out, it stresses me out like I just keep worrying about what the kids are going to eat,’’ she said.
‘‘Whatever I have left I just give it to my kids.’’
Albert said the refuge always wanted to do more but had to jump through hoops for government funding. ‘‘The best way seemed to be for us to do it ourselves,’’ she said.
The doors will be open all through the holidays and it’s a mammoth job.
‘‘For us this time is nerveracking,’’ Albert said.
But their upcoming annual Christmas party would be a welcoming event for clients and their children, and members of the community had flooded their office with donations and generous gifts. The young mother cradling her baby is over the moon with her new microwave from Women’s Refuge.
‘‘They’ve helped me heaps, in many ways, even to the point where I’ve given up drugs . . . they’ve just stuck beside me.’’
All the woman’s children have ‘‘come back’’ since she has been clean, to see her and stay over regularly, and she was working with Oranga Tamariki to get them back.
‘‘It made me feel happy and good inside . . . I used to dream about having them here. I’ve failed my children many times and I don’t want to do it again.’’
Christmas and holidays were going to be ‘‘really tough’’ she said, but ‘‘life’s good as compared to what it used to be . . . it’s all thanks to the refuge’’.