NZ’s most ‘unwoke’ songs
If you want Rod Stewart’s body and you think he’s sexy, come on, sugar, let him know. Just don’t yell out for it the next time he invites audience requests from any crowd you happen to be in.
The 74-year-old singersongwriter has said he will no longer be performing a number of his sexually explicit evergreens, including Hot Legs, Tonight’s the Night and, ooh yes, Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?, songs which he now says are dated and no longer reflect the courting style of the times.
Stewart may be a little harder of hearing than he used to be, but he doesn’t want the #MeToo campaign to think he’s tone-deaf. But what about some of his counterparts here on the other side of the world?
Today’s culturally revisionist winds are certainly blowing hard abroad, toppling old musical statues in respect of race, sex or creed.
Lou Reed’s classic Walk on the Wild Side, for example, which some would still argue is an unusually compassionate portrayal of sexual outriders, has already been taken off many radio playlists. That way, too, has gone Dire Straits’ Money for Nothing and its chicks for free – probably not a moment too soon.
So what about a few of the old chestnuts a bit closer to home? Isn’t it way past time to reconsider yesteryear’s Kiwi classics in the light of today’s ironclad woken certainties?
Herewith, some possible subjects for further investigation:
April Sun In Cuba (Dragon, 1978)
Sample lyric: ‘‘Snake eyes on the paradise / and we got to go today.’’
Why it’s possibly not woke: It was all very well for the late Marc Hunter to dream of jumping on board an international flight bound for the Americas to see his significant other, but did the business class traveller stop and consider for one moment the environmental impact of his non-essential air miles? Much better to have taken a light-rail trip to Avondale. Or to have simply cycled. 1905 (Shona Laing, 1972) Sample lyric: ‘‘I could light a cigarette and take the time / to find the words that rhyme.’’
Why it’s possibly not woke: Promotes tobacco behaviour.
I See Red (Split Enz, 1979) Sample lyric: ‘‘When I’m walking down the street / I see red, I see red, I see red.’’
Why it’s possibly not woke: Yeah, nah. Tim Finn may have
thought a lack of anger management sounded terribly edgy and all – and maybe it was in the late 1970s.
Star Crossed Lovers (Craig Scott, 1970)
Sample lyric: ‘‘Father I’ve fallen in love with an angel / but she’s not one of our kind.’’
Why it’s possibly not woke:
Scott’s undeniably catchy little performance had the Dunedin singer tearfully confessing his love for a Protestant woman to the local priest. In 2019, of course, any self-respecting cleric would promptly be directing such an obviously narrowminded parishioner to attend an interfaith course. (He might have also slapped the singer with a few dozen Hail Marys to say in penance for those garish cardigans.)
Good Morning Mr Rock N Roll (Headband, 1971)
Sample lyric: ‘‘The beat was
kind of groovy / with a little boogie-woogie Jerry Lee.’’
Why it’s possibly not woke:
Yeah, nah. But it also assumes gender.
If I Only Had Time (John Rowles, 1968)
Sample lyric: ‘‘There are mountains I’d climb / If I only had time.’’
Why it’s possibly not woke:
John Rowles grew up in the 1950s in Rotorua, so it’s entirely possible he had never heard of Extinction Rebellion when he decided to do throaty justice to this old ballad. If he had, of course, he would have known we have no time left at all and, rather than climbing mountains, we should be out on the streets dressing up for the cameras.
Life Begins At Forty (Dave and the Dynamos, 1983)
Sample lyric: ‘‘Life begins at forty, you wonder why you feel so naughty.’’
Why it’s possibly not woke:
Greta Thunberg is only 16.
Fish (The Clean, 1990)
Sample lyric:
Why it’s possibly not woke:
True, it’s an entirely instrumental composition and therefore has no lyrics, but what about the title and possible offence caused to vegans?
Tennis Court (Lorde, 2013)
Sample lyric: ‘‘Pretty soon I’ll be getting on my first plane / I’ll see the veins of my city like they do in space.’’
Why it’s possibly not woke:
Right, and your first plane is heading for the April sun in Cuba? Sorry, Lorde, we don’t think so.
This is just a sampling of the Kiwi classics that might possibly offend. There could be more. Sorry, we jest. Or, as Rod Stewart would have it these days, ‘‘I Was Only Woking’’.