Lorraine’s pregnancy heartbreak
Life dealt bitter blows to a glamour couple who appeared to have everything, writes Jehan Casinader.
Former Miss Universe Lorraine Downes has revealed her trauma after losing a baby to late husband, cricketer Martin Crowe.
In an interview with TVNZ’s Sunday programme, Downes speaks publicly for the first time since Crowe’s death, and opens up about their intense love affair.
‘‘From the moment we got together, I felt like I could just be me. The stupid me, the worrying me – everything. Marty took it all, without judgment.’’
The former model and cricket legend started a relationship in 2005, and married four years later in an intimate ceremony at Omaha, north of Auckland.
‘‘Life was wonderful. We were going to grow old together and watch our children do all their wonderful things. There was just no doubt about it.’’
Downes had two kids, Hilton and Jasmine, to her first husband, ex-All Black Murray Mexted. Crowe had a daughter, Emma, from a previous relationship. But they hoped for one more.
‘‘When you meet your soulmate, you just know how special that is,’’ says Downes. ‘‘And wouldn’t it be amazing if we could have a child that was born out of our love?’’
Crowe was 46 and Downes was 44 when they began trying for a baby.
‘‘I am the eternal optimist. My mother was born when her mother was 47, so I thought, ‘Well, I can do it’. So we did try.’’
Crowe was on a six-week stint with an Indian Premier League team in Bangalore when Downes discovered that she was pregnant.
‘‘I rang him, and before I even said anything, he said, ‘You’re pregnant, aren’t you?’ I went, ‘I am’! It was early days, and I was meant to go and join him in India. My doctor said, ‘I don’t think that’s advisable. I’d rather you stick around in New Zealand’.’’
However, in the weeks that followed, blood tests revealed that the pregnancy was at risk. Eventually, Downes miscarried.
She rang Crowe, who told her to fly to India as soon as possible. There, they grieved together.
The miscarriage didn’t dampen their hopes of having a child. After seeing a fertility specialist, Downes began taking drugs to boost her ovulation.
The drugs affected her emotions and caused physical pain, but didn’t lead to a pregnancy – only more grief.
‘‘You think, ‘Oh, I might be pregnant this month’. And when you’re not, that in itself is like losing a baby every month. That’s what it felt like to me.’’
At 47, she came to accept that her family was complete.
‘‘I did come to a place of knowing how grateful I was that I did have two children. They mean everything to me. They’re the most important thing in my life.’’
The glamorous couple’s relationship was tested once again, when Crowe was diagnosed with an aggressive form of lymphoma, after finding a lump on his neck just before his 50th birthday.
Despite multiple rounds of exhausting treatment, Crowe succumbed to the disease in March 2016.
Downes says her husband experienced a major spiritual transformation before his death.
‘‘He said, ‘I don’t want the cricket to ever define who I was as a man.
Because that certainly wasn’t who I was’.’’
For the past two years, Downes has stayed out of the spotlight, allowing herself time to heal and discover her own identity after losing her best friend.
Tomorrow, she releases her memoir – marking her return to life in the public eye.
‘‘Marty wants me to be joyful again. He wants me to shine again. He wants me to thrive. And that’s what I’m doing.’’
The full Lorraine Downes story airs on TVNZ1’s Sunday, 7.30 tonight.
When you meet your soulmate, you just know how special that is. Lorraine Downes