JOHN HAWKESBY

BROADCASTER & AUTHOR

Most of the telly I did was live, the sort where you can see yourself out the corner of your eye and watch your own slow death.

When I hosted It’s in the Bag,

I worked with Hilary Timmins as my co-host for six years. As you will recall, the show was about taking the money or the bag − which could include a brand new washing machine, a trip to London or a booby prize, such as a voucher from the Two

Dollar Shop. I was in full flight one time, trying to really ramp up the enthusiasm and shouting at the top of my voice, ‘The big prize hasn’t gone, I’m offering $1200, a trip to London for two or you could finish up with one of Hilary’s boobies.’

There was a thunderous silence. Hilary just about fell out of her gear and could not sober up. I just wanted to kill myself. We were filming live though so I didn’t stop and kept on going, warts and all.

Another time, when I was doing Top Half in the early 1980s, I was all set to interview a punk rocker called Wreckless Eric who’d had one hit called

Whole Wide World. It was a live interview and in walks Eric during the commercial break, the archetypal punk rocker with more stuff in his nose, eyebrows and ears than I’d ever seen. He was a disgusting looking person and I don’t think he knew what deodorant was because the whole studio stunk. He looked at me with venom, as if I was the enemy. I thought I’d go straight to the heart with this guy, no pussyfooting around.

He sat on the couch between me and Judy Bailey and when the commercial was over I leapt in and welcomed him to the studio, then said, ‘Tell me, is it all drugs and sex on the rock’n’roll road?’ There was a pause as he looked at me, then replied, ‘Well if it was I wouldn’t be here would I?’ He then spat on the carpet and walked out.

My favourite story is another day on Top Half with Judy. The

Rubik’s cube was the big new craze in the early 1980s, and some kid in Norway got the world record by doing it in 13 seconds. It was Judy’s story and she was holding up a cube, explaining how it all worked.

She started turning it to demonstrate and every time she turned it, a piece flew off. There were bits flying off everywhere and I’m sitting next to her, off camera, wetting my pants as this thing disintegrates. Lovely Judy is all prim and proper trying to do it correctly and kicking me out of [view of the] camera to stop me laughing. Finally the thing is almost completely demolished and she beams down the camera, ‘My co-host John Hawkesby will continue to demonstrate,’ and hands me what’s left of the Rubik’s cube.

I had to hold that damn thing until we could end the show and re-join the network.”