61 |Wordsworth Gabe Atkinson

Readers were asked for examples of emotive conjugation, in which their own behaviour is portrayed more favourably than that of others. Entries are conjugated into three parts: I (positive), you (neutral or mildly negative), and he/ she/ (negative).

From Poppy Sinclair of Karori: I write poetry; you write rhymes; she writes doggerel. Paul Kelly, Palmerston North: I am an epicure; you are a bon vivant; he is a glutton. Linda Jack, Wellington: I am rocking a “60 is the new 20” look; your outfit is not entirely age-appropriate; she is mutton dressed as lamb. Rex McGregor, Auckland: I dance in a highly original manner; you are co-ordination-challenged; he is David Seymour.

David Wort, Bay of Plenty: I am enterprising; you are opportunistic; he would steal the worm from a blind hen.

Yvonne Moosberger, Hamilton: I have high self-esteem; you are a bit vain; he is a narcissist. Lyn Toka, Cambridge: I am helpful; you tend to interfere; he is a meddling bastard.

Dorothy Dyett, Wellington: I am eloquent; you are talkative; she is a verbose blabbermouth. Brian Pointon, Tauranga: I am a ladies’ man; you are a seducer; he is a philanderer. Also from Brian: I am open-minded; you are nonconformist; he is an iconoclast.

Margi Parker of Queenstown is the winner: I am in touch with my feelings; you are wildly emotional; she is a neurotic nutcase.

For the next contest, send us a haiku in 5-7-5 syllable format, set at one of the following locations: an openhome viewing, a camping ground in the winter, a hospital, or a tourist trap. Entries, for the prize below, close at noon on Thursday, August 2. Entries may be edited for sense or space reasons. Submissions: wordsworth@listener.co.nz or Wordsworth, NZ Listener, Private Bag 92512, Wellesley St, Auckland 1141. Please include your address. Entries may be edited for sense or space reasons.