THE LIVES OF OTHERS
In our selfie-obsessed society, it can seem like compassion for others is falling to the wayside. But when too much empathy can impact your health, how do you get the balance right?
It can seem like compassion for others is falling to the wayside these days. But when too much empathy can affect your health, how do you get the balance right?
Empathy is the capability to imagine yourself in someone else’s shoes – to understand their feelings and experiences, free from your own judgements and views. But finding the balance between too much and too little empathy isn’t always as easy as you might think.
Lana Hirschowitz opens up her news feed on Facebook and starts to scroll. She pauses on a story about the plight of a group of refugees. Next, she’s confronted with a picture of a sick dog. Her stomach sinks and her anxiety increases. Her empathy levels are at an all-time high.
“It impacts me physically and mentally,” she says. “Physically I feel like I have been punched and lost all my air. Breathing becomes difficult and I feel like I can’t stand straight.
“Mentally, I can’t get rid of the image in my head, and it causes me huge distress, nightmares and a sense of futility. I allow things to imprint on my heart that others don’t even notice. It’s really hard to switch off.”
Hirschowitz experiences extreme empathy both in real life and online. She tends to be particularly impacted by the helpless – like animals or kids – or the severely disadvantaged, like homeless people and asylum seekers.
“Online can be worse because I’m alone with it,” she says. “I get stuck in the vortex and it seems inescapable. The best thing for my health is to stay off social media and not listen to the news – but, of course, that has big implications in terms of guilt.”
While Hirschowitz may be more empathetic than many, the effects she suffers are common. So, could empathy actually be a bad thing?
A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology in 2017 showed that by putting yourself in someone else’s shoes, or taking on board their problems, you can in fact negatively impact your own wellbeing.
AFFECTING YOUR HEALTH
Another 2017 study published in the Journal of Patient Experience found that empathetic people were more likely to experience the ‘fight or flight’ response – which subsequently affected their physical health.
The increase of the stress hormone, cortisol, when you overload yourself with other people’s troubles, has the potential to result in serious
Rather than being an innate ability we’re born with, empathy can be learned.
health issues – such as cardiovascular illness. Other common effects include headache and fatigue, in addition to mental health disorders such as depression and anxiety
“Empathy is a very positive trait, and it facilitates connection,” explains health and wellbeing psychologist, Dr Marny Lishman. “But we’re made to be empathic in the moment. We are not made for it to be ongoing, and so all-consuming that it impacts our own life. Too much empathy can cause us to fuse with or take on too much of another person’s emotions, causing
us increased stress. Trying to end someone’s suffering can be to the detriment of our own physical and psychological wellbeing.”
A WORLDWIDE PROBLEM
Some experts speculate that the world is becoming less empathetic – in fact, Barack Obama referenced this notion during his presidential term.
He claimed, “The biggest deficit that we have in our society and in the world right now is an empathy deficit. We are in great need of people being able to stand in somebody else’s shoes and see the world through their eyes.”
Lishman believes that technology may be contributing to this. “Constant exposure to online stories means we can become desensitised over time. We also know that some people are not truthful on social media,” she says. “With the advent of the ‘influencer’, we question if our trust’s been abused. Are people only sharing their stories because they’re paid to or because it leads to a sale?”
For others, empathy is proving too much like hard work. Research published this year by the American Psychological Association found that, even when feeling empathy for others isn’t financially costly or emotionally draining, some people will still avoid it because they think it requires too much mental effort.
A lack of empathy is a particular concern for younger generations, who are so technology-focused.
In a commentary for the Pediatrics journal, researchers from Boston University warned that using technology to divert a child’s attention could be detrimental to “their socialemotional development”. Empathy forms part of this.
A study published in the journal Computers in Human Behavior highlighted the extent to which this is true. In the study, a group of children spent five days at a nature camp where TV, computers and mobile phones were not allowed. After interacting face-toface for this time – without the use of any screen-based media – the kids who attended the camp were much better at reading facial cues and identifying emotions than their peers. Recognising facial cues and emotions is the crucial first step toward empathy.
While too much empathy can be a bad thing, too little empathy can be damaging as well.
“Lack of empathy can shake the foundations of all of our relationships – whether they be personal or professional,” says Miranda Murray, co-founder of Empathic Consulting. “When it’s perceived that we are operating without any consideration or understanding of others, it causes mistrust and guarded interactions.
“We miss out on exploring the way other people see the world, and don’t develop more enriched relationships with a diverse range of people.”
The good news is, rather than being an innate ability we’re either born with or without, empathy can actually be learned. “In coaching, we discuss ‘perceptual positions’, which means looking at situations from an alternative point of view without judgment,” says Murray. “We teach people to become ‘consciously curious’ and consider what else could be going on for others. We encourage people to avoid half-knowledge and assumptions – but, instead, ask questions to delve deeper into issues while withholding their existing views and beliefs.”
Murray adds that techniques are also provided for active listening in conversations, and really engaging in the moment.
“We recently worked with leaders at a large multinational organisation who were struggling to motivate their employees and hit their performance targets,” says Murray.
“Using empathy as a foundation, we were able to help them challenge some of their existing beliefs, have better conversations, and ask more questions of their people. This built trust and understanding – which in turn drove new levels of commitment and performance from the team.”
The power of empathy for commercial success is something many businesses are now starting to catch onto. The top 10 companies in the Global Empathy Index 2015 increased in value more than twice as much as the bottom 10, and they generated 50 per cent more earnings (as defined by market capitalisation).
Refreshingly, there are other signs that empathy is alive and well in our society. The emergence and success of crowdfunding sites is one example.
In 2017, nearly £1.4m was raised by the family of Charlie Gard – a baby born in England in August 2016 with a rare genetic disorder. Charlie died in 2017, but his parents have used the money to set up a foundation in their son’s name to help other children.
Closer to home, crowdfunding causes are proving just as positive – if on a slightly smaller scale. In just 24 days, the Lyon family from Port Macquarie, whose four-month-old son Jasper has a rare disease, received more than $36,500 in donations to help them with ongoing costs.
Similarly, Jessica Collins from Newcastle in NSW – who was left paralysed after a surfing accident in 2018 – has received over $132,000 in donations towards her rehabilitation.
EMPATHY EMBRACED
In March of this year, the Christchurch mosque shootings shocked the world. In the aftermath of the attack, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern displayed ultimate empathy with the Muslim community.
Wearing a black headscarf, pictures of Ardern consoling and hugging community members spread rapidly online. Her words and actions were praised globally. It gave us hope that empathy isn’t dead.
“In my clinical opinion, what Jacinda Ardern modelled was quite extraordinary,” explains Julie Sweet, psychotherapist at Seaway Counselling and Psychotherapy.
“The empathy she showed facilitated pro-social behaviour and was extremely refreshing, especially as a person in her position of power.
“Rather than being coerced or manufactured, her behaviour came from within – and it sent a very clear message to the world. I believe it had a knock-on effect in encouraging people to behave in a more compassionate manner.”
“The biggest deficit that we have in our society … is an empathy deficit.” BARACK OBAMA