Folk at Worksafe are eggs

What would happen if someone slipped on the stairs racing floor to floor to get an egg? That’s the sort of thing we want you to think about.

Iwas looking for an engine carrier for my V8 at the local wreckers only to have the owner accost me over the latest stupidity from Government. “What do they think we are, children?” she railed. “They bleed us dry and treat us like imbeciles!”

I could tell she was winding up to a long diatribe so beat a retreat, suggesting she see her local MP. I helpfully gave her the name and bought my carrier online.

Later, I thought: they can’t be that stupid so I checked. She was right.

It must have been a little quiet for Worksafe NZ coming up to Easter because their Deputy General Manager (Assessments, Operations and Support) felt the need to announce publicly, “Go for it — Easter Egg hunts are NOT banned.”

Who knew? Really? It’s not against the law, yet.

But the Deputy General Manager went on to make some “eggcellent” tips.

I truly wish I was making this up.

For example: “Don’t throw them in air ducts (they’ll melt!) or chuck them up on the roof — the last thing you want is one of your staff hurt chasing the choccy”.

We have an outfit with a big flash office in downtown Wellington, a Minister ranked in Cabinet at nine, a high-flying board of professors and doctors, a highpowered leadership team with degrees and diplomas and an annual budget of close to $100 million.

And they warn us not chuck Easter eggs on the roof or in air ducts. That’s our tax dollars working hard in Wellington.

I suspect the truly stupid among us aren’t parsing the latest Worksafe NZ public release, taking notes for where to hide Easter eggs.

But it didn’t stop there. Worksafe suggests: “Do a risk assessment — what could happen if staff ended up banging heads chasing the same egg? What would happen if someone slipped on the stairs racing floor to floor to get an egg? That’s the sort of thing we want you to think about.”

Annoyingly, Worksafe didn’t answer its own questions. What could happen if staff “banged heads” chasing the same Easter Egg or slip on the stairs?

I suspect the answer is Worksafe would launch an investigation, prosecute the directors and ban Easter Egg hunts.

I don’t know of a business that has Easter Egg hunts. Easter Egg hunts are for children. At home.

It sounds like a thing for outfits with nothing useful to do.

Yup.

As Worksafe’s Deputy General Manager Jo Pugh explains, “there’ll likely be a few chocolate chases in our offices too . . . as this is good staff bonding.”

There’s your tax dollars at work. Bureaucrats team bonding hunting Easter Eggs.

I’m heading back to the wreckers. I will be with Fiona, screaming, “What do they think we are, children? They bleed us dry and treat us like imbeciles!”