Get out of abusive ties, says woman whose brutal ex nearly killed her.
“LOve,” says rachel Lim, shaking her head, “is not violence. Love and violence cannot co-exist.”
it is advice she wants to dispense to every woman who is in a violent or abusive relationship.
“Get out. No one should live with violence,” says the 29-year-old content strategist.
Her conviction is borne out of experience – she was involved with a brutal man who almost killed her.
in August 2017, when she refused the demands of her former boyfriend – a doctor – for sex, he became so enraged that he smashed her face with his fists, breaking her nose, leaving multiple fractures and causing her brain to bleed.
the ordeal, which lasted several hours, only ended when the abuser’s father called the police who arrested his son. Lim’s wounds were so extensive that she was hospitalised for three weeks.
it was not the first time clarence teo Shun Jie had assaulted her.
Over the six months that they dated, the then-locum battered her on three occasions, each beating more vicious than the last.
the case went to trial two years later. Last year, teo was sentenced to three years, six months and two weeks’ jail with four strokes of the cane. He was also fined S$4,000 (rM12,290). two months ago, he was struck off the register of Medical Practitioners.
it took a while for Lim to emerge from the shadow of this violent relationship. However, she deals with her past by facing it squarely, talking openly and even writing about it.
Why?
“Because i know my story can help people,” she says simply.
A journalism graduate who is now pursuing her post-graduate diploma in psychotherapy, she also appears well-read and intelligent, traits which will make many wonder why she allowed a man to hit her. But as she will tell you, education and intelligence are not talismans against violence.
And like their victims, abusers can come from all types of social, economic and educational backgrounds, she says. teo was a prime example.
Lim met teo in early 2017. it was instant attraction, she candidly admits. But there were also red flags right from the start. He was rough when they were intimate, and would not stop when asked to.
Barely one month into the relationship, he punched her face one day after suddenly grilling her about her past relationships.
Before the horrific assault which led to teo’s arrest, there was also another incident where he waylaid her when she was on her way to work, pushed her into his car, took her home and abused her for more than 10 hours.
Because of the incident, teo agreed to see a therapist and all was good for a while. And then that third and final assault happened.
At the hospital, doctors had to fix, among other things, her nose, her eye sockets and her little finger which broke while fending off his blows.
Shortly after being discharged, she started receiving calls from Dr Sudha Nair, the founder of Pave (centre for Promoting Alternatives to violence), a family violence specialist centre.
Lim, however, was reluctant and it took numerous calls before she agreed to go.
Dr Nair says what stops victims of violence from coming forward is shame.
“i told rachel: ‘you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of, you didn’t perpetrate the violence. the attacker should be ashamed.”