American man wants me to marry him

I am thinking that I should marry him to stay in America. My girlfriend says that she is hoping that a man would make that offer to her.

Dear Pastor,

I am a 21-year-old woman and I became sexually active when I was 17.

I have had sexual relations with many men, including some who are much older than me. I used to have sex to attend school. There were a few times when I missed school because I did not have any money. Some of my best friends were married men; they treated me much better than some single men.

There was a man who was in his 50s and he used to call me ‘little girl’. There were times when he gave me money without asking me for sex. He also had a daughter who was two years older than me and about the same size. Whenever he bought pants for her, he bought for me also. I got to love that man so much. I worked hard and I gained seven passes. I became friendly with a policeman, but I never stopped cheating on him. He never used to give me much; he was always saying that he had to take care of his mother and his younger siblings, so I broke up with him and I found another man.

I am having problems. The only way I can enjoy sex with this current man is to think that I am having sex with another guy. Even when he is kissing me, I have to close my eyes and think of the other guy. I feel like a prostitute. I continue to sell my body to get everything I want. When men see me and say that they love me, it doesn’t mean a thing to me because I do not love them. The closest I have ever come to love is with the man who called me little girl and whose daughter was nearly my age.

I was fortunate to get a visa and I went to America with a friend and we stayed with her relatives. My friend introduced me to a man. I pretended to love him. He offered to marry me so I could get my papers, but I told him that I would like to know him better. I am forcing myself to love him, but the feelings will not come and I do not want to fool him. He has taken me to many places, and other men have asked where he got this pretty girl from. He asked me if I would cheat on him. I told him that I cannot cheat on a man who I am not sure about. I have to love him first, so he should give me more time to learn to love him.

I don’t have love in my heart. I am thinking that I should marry him to stay in America. My girlfriend says that she is hoping that a man would make that offer to her. I would like to hear how you think about that.

Dear A.L.,

I believe that you are trying to say that you consider yourself a prostitute and you have been practising prostitution from you were a teenager.

That is the how you lived and was able to attend school. You had your regular customers, including married men. The man who calls you little girl was of great help to you. Perhaps there were times when his conscience bothered him as he thought about his daughter who is nearly your age.

You did not have sex because you loved anybody; you were working as a prostitute. Perhaps when you had a relationship with the lawman, you wanted it to work, but he was not in the position to give you everything you wanted, so you broke up with him.

Now that you are in America and you have met another man who wants to marry you, the challenge is how can you marry him and not love him. I am afraid I cannot encourage you to marry him, because I do not believe in, or encourage, business marriages. Perhaps what you should do is to give up prostitution as a business and ask God to help you to learn to love yourself. I am not saying that is going to be easy for you. Get yourself a job and support yourself. Perhaps, gradually, you would learn to love. But do not, I repeat, engage in a business marriage.

Pastor