DREAMING of a nice wedding

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 and my fiancée is 25. He is living at his parents’ home and I am living with my parents. We do not want to live together until we are married.

Our wedding is planned for next August, so we are saving money. Sometimes when we want to spend time together, we go to a hotel for the weekend.

I don’t really like that idea because it is expensive. So whenever we go, we hardly leave the compound because we do not have a car. We rented a car once for the entire weekend, but I told him that we should not do that again.

You may ask why a 25-year-old man who has a good job cannot purchase a car. He had one but he sold it and used the money to buy a piece of land. I put most of what I had in my account with his money to purchase the land. We are hoping to build. One of my brothers is drawing up the plan for us and he said we do not have to pay him. The plan is to build a three-bedroom house with two bathrooms. This man and I have been friends since we were in high school. There were two guys who loved me, but my fiancé was more ambitious and always talking about the future. He left me and he went on to university. He is very bright, so he got a scholarship. I am very proud of him. My father did not marry my mother, but we get along very well and he has promised to help us pay for the reception. Both my parents love my fiancé. My stepfather and I get along well also, but I do not trust him fully. When I was about 17, he told me that I was looking pretty and my breasts looked firm. I told my mother what he said and she told him to take his eyes off me. He said he was only joking. My mother told him not to run that type of joke with me. He asked me to forgive him and I did, but I never trusted him again. I have never told my fiancé about what he said. I have a younger sister and I asked her if he had ever done that and she said no. She is his daughter.

My father has two sons with his wife and we get along. His wife loves me and sometimes I visit them. I am attending college and my father helps me occasionally. These days, my fiancé is saying that we should move up our wedding date because he wants to move out of his parents’ home. I am telling him that we do not have furniture or appliances so we should give ourselves time to gather enough money to buy these things, plus the wedding will cost us. He has a suit he can wear, but I want to have nice rings and a beautiful wedding dress. What kind of suggestion can you give?

D.W.

Dear D.W.,

The Apostle Paul in one of his epistles said “It is better to be married than to burn.” And what he means is that it is better for a man or woman to be married than to burn with sexual passion. A man does not even have to be with his woman or vice versa, but he or she may feel the need for sex and they may call each other and say “I can’t hold out, I need you now”.

Perhaps your fiancé means well when he agreed that both of you could plan your wedding for next August, but as the days go by, he doubts that he can endure the long wait. So he is suggesting that the wedding date be moved up. It is good to plan and you are trying to plan well. The wedding will cost money, but your father will help you with the reception and you can prevent your father from spending lots of money by having a small wedding.

I am only trying to say that you should not ignore what your fiancé is saying. There must be room for compromise. Some couples get married privately, and later on, when they are in a better financial situation, have a large reception and invite many friends and relatives. That is something for you to consider. You can also rent a one-bedroom apartment and buy used furniture. Many young couples start out too big. They put themselves in unnecessary debt by taking out furniture and appliances on hire purchase, in addition to paying rent. Keep your eyes on the classified ads in The Gleaner. There are many good deals advertised there. People who are migrating sell their furniture reasonably, and sometimes nothing is wrong with these pieces.

I don’t have to say much about what you said about your stepfather. You did the right thing by reporting him to your mother, and as a good mother, she set him straight.

Pastor