The vain pursuit of ‘pleasureness’
“What you seek you shall never find. For when the gods made man, they kept immortality to themselves. Fill your belly. Day and night make merry. Let days be full of joy. Love the child who holds your hand. Let your wife delight in your embrace. For these alone are the concerns of man.”
THESE WORDS were taken from the oldest story known to man – The Epic of Gilgamesh. Throughout the ages we have always been warned to enjoy this stage of our cosmic journey, yet we continue to waste our lives chasing two things: ‘pleasureness’ and immortality.
I use my poetic licence to describe ‘pleasureness’ as a state where the voids in our lives are repeatedly filled with objects and experiences that cause momentary joy, resulting in the false perception of happiness.
Pleasureness differs from happiness, in that once the experiences are over and objects got used to, there is an emptiness that causes cravings for more; happiness and contentment occur naturally.
The pursuit of pleasureness is often confused with the pursuit of happiness. Only when it is too late do we find out that the time we thought was spent wisely was really poured down the drain. And in a cruel act of fate, our warnings to those who come behind go unheeded.
CORE BELIEF OF EVERY RELIGION
Every major religion has one core belief – one should not be attached to possessions or spend a lifetime accumulating wealth. Modern studies have reinforced that money does not make you ‘happy’, new money does. And even that feeling is fleeting as you get used to the new lifestyle and begin to crave more.
My wealthy friends have financial stresses same as the poorer ones do because they now have the pressure of maintaining or adding to their fortune, even as they guard against those who would use them for their own selfish gains.
Money does not make you immune to the pressures of life, family, career, accidents or internal struggles. Money is of no use until you spend it and there are countless situations where wealth has no value.
The noble truths of Buddhism advise that one should not be attached to impermanent things, as it is their loss that leads to suffering. Losing a job, position or possession causes pain if one is overly attached to them. To truly be at peace, you must free yourself of attachments so their loss or gain will not affect your happiness.
Christianity shares the same view – “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal.”
A recurrent theme in the Hindu Itihasas is the suffering endured by those who were forced into exile from their princely lives.
Whatever your thoughts on religion, it is easy to accept that having happiness dependent on materials leads to pain if they are lost. Many times, we suffer because we do not realise the difference between happiness and the pleasure bought by money and titles.
Most of our lives are spent chasing pleasure. Whether it is the taste of food, the feeling of owning something nice, the joy we get from partying, or the pleasure we get from feeling important.
A little-discussed cause of the obesity epidemic is that food has been promoted as an easily accessible source of immense pleasure. More foods today taste delicious and we are bombarded with advertisements and TV shows that magnify the gastronomic experience of foods and snacks from around the world, now within our reach.
We confuse fleeting episodes of pleasure with happiness, so life becomes about getting temporary pleasures repeatedly. We believe our happiness is reliant on what objects or experiences money can buy.
The irony is that we sacrifice so many opportunities for true happiness in the pursuit of pleasureness. The next vacation, new clothes and jewellery are all we aspire towards and we lose out on the moment, working hard to accumulate wealth in order to afford new pleasures. We are never content with what we have and where we are, the true beginnings of happiness.
TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE
In my estimation, there are two kinds of people in the world – those who enjoy the intrinsic value of an object or experience, and those who are in love with the idea of objects and experiences. One may enjoy a watch because of their appreciation of the beauty and craftsmanship. Another will find pleasure in wearing the same watch because others will know that it is expensive, that is, they derive pleasure from the idea of wearing the watch.
Throughout my travels, I have noticed the tourists who take time to appreciate the sites they visit and who immerse themselves in their beauty and history. Then there are the ‘click-click’ tourists who barely have a quiet moment to appreciate where they are because they are quickly taking pictures to share before moving on to another site on their ‘click-click’ tour. They travel to share that they have travelled but seldom come home better off from their experiences. They don’t love to travel. They love the idea of traveling.
The shallow lives of those who are in love with the ideas of objects and experiences get pleasure in showing others what they have and what they have experienced. And what better way to flaunt than on social media.
Despite the opportunity it provides to form a strong collective to tackle injustice anywhere, social media has become a marketplace to showcase how better off you are than your peers. Even if it is fake or financed by debt, projecting the successful, happy image becomes more important and every like and comment gives a warm fuzzy feeling inside.
Social media allows us to manifest another of our cravings – adoration.
Aside from objects and experiences, we naturally crave importance and adoration. We take pleasure in knowing that we are more important than others and treat those who are more important better than those who are lesser in social status. We desire positions of authority and get pleasure in displaying our strengths and positive traits to the world. We call it self-actualisation, but it is nothing more than the feeling of pleasure we get in thinking that we are better than average. We struggle to reach and cannot let go of positions and titles that make us feel this way.
The epitome of this craving for the massaging of our egos is the lust for power. Power brings adoration and feelings of importance. The pain of the sudden loss of power through democracy leads to the desire to hold on to it even if it means corruption and exploitation of those who they were meant to serve.
The pleasures of importance and power are what corrupt absolutely because they create cravings that can only be filled by what they don’t have already and will never get enough of – more.
THE DESIRE FOR IMMORTALITY
We all want to live forever. But life is short. And it is even shorter when you look at the stages of life. Ageing and death are inevitable. The only way we live on is in the memories of those left behind. Many of us want to leave a legacy, determine the way that they will be remembered long after they’re gone.
For some, this is with monuments, for others it is through their work in an organisation where they will be remembered for their contribution or the important positions they once held.
My advice is to let go of this desire. I can assure you that you will be forgotten. Your greatness may matter for a bit longer than others but eventually all your achievements will be buried by the sands of time. You are no greater than Thutmose III or Aurangzeb and you have probably never heard of them.
Think about how soon after death are the giants of your sphere forgotten. Roads and buildings bear the names of people we never thought of while using them. Is this truly immortality? Is it worth sacrificing enjoying life to be remembered a little bit longer than others?
TRUE HAPPINESS
“When I was five years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment and I told them they didn’t understand life.”
This anecdote sums up what we have lost – the prioritisation of happiness. In chasing pleasureness and immortality, we lose sight of what the true meaning of life is – finding happiness.
Happiness cannot exist without love. The love shared among those closest to you. Happiness is in the strong helping the weak, not exploiting them. But if this charity is given so your deeds may be recognised by others, then it brings only the pleasure of adoration. Giving must be borne out of love.
In the law of the jungle the strong feeds on the weak. What separates humans is that the strong care for the weak; in its purest form, this is an act of love.
Loving the weak, loving your friends and family, being content with who you are, transcending what people think of you and accepting your mortality are the foundations of happiness.
Life is too short to be unhappy. Pleasureness will not fill the void, no matter how hard you try.
Let 2020 be the year you find true happiness through love, charity, appreciation of the world and your place in it.
Have a truly Happy New Year!
‘Loving the weak, loving your friends and family, being content with who you are, transcending what people think of you and accepting your mortality are the foundations of happiness.’
■ Dr Alfred Dawes is a general, laparoscopic and weight loss surgeon; Fellow of the American College of Surgeons; former senior medical officer of the SavannaLa-Mar Public General Hospital; former president of the Jamaica Medical Doctors Association. @ dr_aldawes. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and adawes@ilapmedical.com