I just can’t listen to Leo Varadkar defend the indefensible any more
Disillusioned distraught and exhausted, one ward nurse in a busy hospital explains why she plans to quit
ILOOKED at the elderly lady on the bed in front of me, her chest heaving as she fought for breath. She was very, very unwell. I couldn’t understand why it had taken her so long to come to the hospital to treat her pneumonia. When she told me why, I was heart-broken. She said she was petrified of being left on a trolley and being forgotten about.
If she had come earlier to the hospital, she wouldn’t have had to stay so many days while we battled to make her well again. She wouldn’t have been so unwell.
I don’t work in the emergency departments, I’m in a ward where I should be able to care for people. That’s why I went into nursing: I had this simple idea that I would care for people.
Now by the time patients come to me they might have been on a trolley downstairs for two or even three days. Even
‘That’s why I went into nursing: I wanted to help’
when patients reach my ward, their troubles aren’t over. I’m chronically shortstaffed every single day: there just aren’t enough of us to care for people properly.
I did a week of night-shifts recently and there was an acute incident every night. We had so few nurses and even doctors there weren’t enough people working to care for everyone else while those emergencies were going on.
One night in particular about 20 patients were left for an hour and a half without any attention.
One lady was calling me from behind the curtains for help. She needed to go to the bathroom but she was on oxygen so she couldn’t walk there on her own. All I could do was say I’d be there soon.
By the time I reached her, the poor lady had soiled herself. And she was so nice about it, so grateful I managed to get to her at all. That is just unacceptable.
Many of these people could be treated at home if the home helps and other supports were still there. Some of my colleagues have left hospitals to work in private firms which offer care at home, and there are some Community Intervention Teams run by the HSE but that should be available to all hospitals.
Some elderly patients might never have been in hospital before. Maybe they think the treatment they get is normal, but this is not how I was trained. I trained in a very busy hospital in Ireland but the atmosphere was so different then.
Now I spend a lot of time dealing with angry families. Someone might say: ‘this just isn’t good enough for my mother’, or as a man shouted at me the other day: ‘Does anyone know what the hell is going on around here?’ It’s very upsetting because I feel they’re right. I’m sure people have got sicker because of the staff shortages.
It’s upsetting for everyone working here, and when we all do such long hours it’s hard to keep smiling. When I’m on the day-shift I come in about 7.30am. I should finish at around 8pm but it’s usually nearly half past nine. Eating is almost impossible as there isn’t time to take a proper break. I bring a sandwich which I can eat at a desk. One of my nurse colleagues almost fainted over a patient the other night at about 2.30am having not eaten since before 8pm.
When you’re caring for acutely ill people, this just doesn’t work.
And of course the government and the HSE are getting all those extra hours for free. We are meant to work a 39-hour week but it’s always 43 or even 44. It might not sound that much extra but when you feel it’s never going to change it’s hard to take.
I know it’s not perfect anywhere. I worked in Australia and they have their problems too but you do your work and leave with your head held high. When friends working in England ask me about coming back here, I can’t lie about the conditions.
We thought there was hope, when the recruitment embargo was lifted last year but now we can see no nurses want to come home. That recruitment campaign epically failed. The thrust of the campaign is, ‘Come home to your family and friends’. That is pathetic: they are speaking to educated people who want to work in a functioning system.
I was so angry, I don’t listen to health programmes any more. Someone texted me the other day to say Minister Leo Varadkar was on the radio, I tried to listen but I couldn’t. What he was saying just doesn’t match the frontline.
I used to be so proud of being a nurse. I loved it when people asked me what I did. I still tell people I’m a nurse but I cringe in anticipation of the horror stories.
Ireland is supposed to be a fast growing economy again, but who is feeling that? My patients are being left behind, the most vulnerable people are left behind.
I have tried to be their voice, I have tried to advocate for them as all my colleagues continue to do.
I feel like a failure, I feel like I am letting everyone down. But I’m worried about my health. I would love to return to acute care again, but for now I have to take a step back, and hope for the best.
‘One colleague almost fainted over a patient’