Single strife a secret

MY partner left me after Christmas, but I’m too ashamed to tell anyone.

My parents warned that I’d lose her unless I stopped drinking and partying. They were right. I came home late after a lock-in and she – and all of her stuff – was gone.

Since then, I’ve pretended that she’s working away, ill and visiting relatives abroad etc, just to keep my folks off my back.

Now my mum wants everyone round to her place for a big party to celebrate my Nan’s 80th birthday in May. What am I going to do?

JANE SAYS: You’ve got to put a stop to the silly stories because situations change all the time.

Be honest. Admit to your family that you’re back on your own again and ask them to be kind.

If you have a problem with alcohol, then arrange to speak to your GP. If your partying is out of control and you actively avoid commitment, then what are you going to do about that?

Ultimately, this is your life and it’s in your hands. Go along to your Nan’s special birthday with your head held high. Learn from past mistakes because you’re allowed to trip up and start afresh.

MY girlfriend doesn’t believe that sex with other women equals cheating.

She has two old college friends and makes no secret of the fact that they all sleep in the same bed together whenever they’ve been out.

I don’t approve but she says I’m a pain for making a fuss. Am I? How is this other life fair on me?

When I accuse her of having lesbian tendencies and cheating, she laughs in my face. She snorts that it’s nothing as serious as that and that I need to chill.

She doesn’t believe in labels – this is all about her having fun and exploring another side of her sexuality and personality. But how is that supposed to make me feel?

JANE SAYS: Cheating is cheating. As far as I can see, you don’t have an open relationship, so she needs to decide where her loyalties lie.

She is certainly not alone in being interested in exploring her sexuality and fancying the individual and not the gender. That’s all very well if she were a single woman – but she can’t possibly be in a relationship with you and do this when she knows you don’t like it.

Her behaviour isn’t fair. How would she like it if you had sex with other women – or men?

Laughing at your objections is immature and insulting. Is she willing to dedicate herself only to you? Or this a relationship breaker?