Ditching husband was a big mistake
MY NEW MAN IS HORRID JANE O’GORMAN SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS TODAY ... AND EVERY DAY
I LEFT my husband and moved in with my current guy after Easter.
I now realise I’ve made a terrible mistake. I thought that starting over would be exciting and I could reinvent myself.
But my new lover is not what I expected. My estranged husband was a dull workaholic, but he was reliable with it.
This new guy is all over the place. He is sex mad and obsessed with gaming. He wears headphones around the flat and is addicted to his phone.
He doesn’t do small talk and expects me to clear up after him.
He isn’t interested in eating meals at normal times.
My husband begged me not to leave him, but I walked out without a backward glance.
Now none of my family or friends are talking to me. My Mum has sent an email telling me I’m selfish and disgraceful.
Basically, all of my bridges are on fire. I’m co-habiting with a man I barely know – or like. He keeps trying to have sex with me.
When I say no he simply looks at porn instead. It’s insulting.
I have tried getting back with my husband, but he’s found someone new. He’s already started divorce proceedings and his sister tells me he wants me out of his life as soon as possible.
In the meantime, I’m convinced my new lover has another lover on the side. He keeps disappearing and leaving me in the lurch.
Why am I so good at messing things up? I had an okay marriage, and I blew it. Should I cut my losses, dump my new guy, and start again?
JANE SAYS: The reality is that this new relationship is a disaster. You don’t know, love, or respect the man you’re living with so cut your losses.
Ask him to remove his headphones while you explain that it’s time to move on. I can’t imagine that he will be too impressed or surprised because he doesn’t sound too enamoured of you either.
You say that your bridges are burnt, but there’s nothing stopping you from going, cap-in-hand, to your parents and friends and rebuilding relationships.
Be big enough to admit that you made mistakes and now seek forgiveness and a fresh start. Is anyone willing to give you a place to stay while you get back on your feet again?
Be humble, be honest and be prepared to say ‘sorry’. I’d also be inclined to give your marriage another shot.
Your estranged husband sounds – unsurprisingly – angry and hurt. But there’s nothing to be lost from telling him that you’re full of regret and willing to start again.
He may very well tell you to ‘get stuffed’ and carry on with the divorce but at least you will have tried.
You cannot allow your pride to get the better of you.
As for dating again, forget it. There’s no rush to get back in the saddle no matter how sore you are.