She wants me to fall into kids trap
SCARED TO HAVE ROMPS
I DON’T like kids. I’ve never wanted kids. I didn’t even like being one.
I’ve been with my girlfriend for three years. I was honest from the start about my determination not to be a dad.
But now I fear she’s trying to trap me into fatherhood.
She’s come off the pill due to “health reasons”.
Yet when I use a condom, she sulks. I’ve also noticed that she attempts to seduce me on the days I know she’s ovulating. I’m almost too scared to have full sex with her in case I impregnate her.
I don’t feel I can trust her and that is putting a strain on our relationship.
Horrible
My own parents were useless, and I had a horrible childhood. They were madly in love and only interested in each other.
I was an annoyance who got in the way of their massive egos. If it hadn’t been for my godmother, I would never have had clean clothes or a hot meal.
Every few months my parents would take off on extended trips. They didn’t even tell me when they were going. At 16 I went to live with my mate’s parents and never looked back.
My girl and I met at a party through a colleague. The first thing I did was tell her about my childhood and I made it clear that I wasn’t interested in having offspring of my own.
We talked about getting dogs instead and moved in together a year later. But now she’s moving the goalposts and I’m angry.
She’s started sneaking in little baby vests and socks in a bag in the bottom of our spare wardrobe. How do I make it clear that she’s barking up the wrong tree?
JANE SAYS: You’re an adult and you are entitled to make up your own mind regarding children. But remember you loathed your parents for a good reason.
Are you going to allow them to spoil your future? You might be a natural father for all you know. Maybe a child would complete you?
All I’m suggesting is that you calm down and keep an open mind. Talk to your girlfriend about her desires.
Acknowledge the fact she is in a new place emotionally and hormonally.
She can’t help her maternal feelings or the fact her biological clock is ticking. Stashing tiny vests in the bottom of the wardrobe is heartbreaking.
Sex in an established relationship should be loving and enjoyable. The fact that bedtime has now become a battlefield must be hard for both of you to bear.
Talk in the light of day about the elephant in the room. Very sadly, if she is determined to be a mum – and you’re not interested in going on that journey with her – then do you have to admit defeat and part? What is important to you?
Do you need to seek professional help regarding the neglect you suffered as a youngster?