MY EX SAID VILE THINGS ABOUT ME TO OUR KIDS

Dear Coleen

I split up with my partner a couple of months ago. We’d been having problems for a long time and both of us were at fault.

I started being away from home a lot and not really taking part in family life, so she finally chucked me out and I’m living with my sister and her family.

We have two children together and I’m worried they’re not getting a balanced view of what’s happened – my ex is very vocal about what she thinks about me and has said some pretty vile things to friends and family, which has got back to me. And some of it just isn’t true.

I’m angry about stuff, too, but I’ve never said such horrible things about her and wouldn’t want our kids to hear this kind of thing.

Coleen says

In the process of separating you should of course put your children’s wellbeing first, so I think you need to appeal to her – directly or via a friend – to stop airing her dirty laundry in public for their sake.

You can’t stop her venting to her friends, but if what she’s saying is filtering back to you, then there’s every chance your kids have heard it, too.

When you’re angry, your instinct is to lash out verbally, but she needs to be reminded that your kids are trying to cope with what’s going on, too, and need to be helped with it.

When my first husband and I got divorced we made a pact right at the start not to say or do anything that would upset our kids and we stuck to it, and I know our boys are grateful for that now.