It’s a fair cop, but ’allo, ’allo... what do we have here?
ALTHOUGH I can think of one or two wellknown public figures who are suspected of wearing wigs, I have never been fully convinced by the rumours.
It is not that I underestimate the vanity of the individuals in question. No, my doubts are solely based on the belief that there is no such thing as a wig that can’t be spotted at 50 paces.
The same broad principle applies to policemen. Given that every single copper I’ve ever come across looked like he was from central casting, I often wonder how the powers-that-be go about selecting officers for undercover duty.
I’ll give you an example. There is a licensed premises I occasionally frequent where the regulars include an older man who usually drinks alone. Even though he cuts a slightly enigmatic figure, there is also something naggingly familiar about him.
Being a nosy so-and-so, I asked a barman about him on one particular evening when the man was absent. My description of his physical features drew a blank. Nor did it seem to ring any bells when I helpfully mentioned that he always ordered either brandy or red wine.
It was only when I mentioned that he looked – and I’m quoting verbatim here – ‘a bit like a retired cop’ that the penny dropped. ‘Ah, you mean Mick,’ came the reply. ‘He’s a retired cop.’
I was reminded of that by the opening episode of In The Dark, a four-part crime drama. Even though Detective Inspector Paul Hopkins (Ben Batt) is in an unfamiliar location, wearing civvies and not even on duty, everyone realises that he is Old Bill as soon as they see him.
He might as well be dressed in full uniform and saying ‘’Allo, ’allo, ’allo...what have we got here then?’ every two minutes.
The Derbyshire locale that DI Hopkins finds himself in is the original home turf of his pregnant girlfriend, DI Helen Weeks (MyAnna Buring). To say she has no great affection for the place would be understating it to a massive degree.
But she feels compelled to return when the husband of her best friend from childhood, Linda Bates (Emma Fryer), is arrested on suspicion of abducting two teenage girls.
Even though the women haven’t been in touch for years, it quickly becomes apparent
that they have some dark secret from the dim and distant past. ‘Do you ever think about what happened all those years ago?’ enquires Helen at one point. ‘Every f ****** day,’ replies Linda.
I have absolutely no idea what precisely this refers to, but if I was a betting man, I’d stick a few bob on it being something fairly unpleasant.
Now that we are on the topic of gambling, though, I certainly wouldn’t lay a wager on DI Hopkins being the father of his girlfriend’s unborn baby. Though DI Weeks didn’t look best pleased to be in the family way in the first place, she appeared even less so when another lover turned up to ask if he was the daddy.
So far, so good. There is nothing about In The Dark that’s reinventing the wheel, but it is both solid and suspenseful.
Subtlety isn’t its strong point, though. When Helen visited her widowed father, the producers were taking no chances in letting viewers know that he has found love again with another man.
I’d have thought the hulking, swarthy gent standing beside him in the family home was enough of a clue.
Just in case that wasn’t enough, though, Mr Weeks’s hair appeared to be dyed a fetching shade of marmalade.