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TANYA SWEENEY’S laugh out loud guide to who’s hot, who’s not, what’s in, what’s out and why The Wanted are hot on the TV tails of The Saturdays

UP (SOMETHING KINDA OH DEAR) CATFIGHTS

SO THE Girls Aloud reunion gig last week was a chance for us all to relive our youth — especially as it’s a bit like being back in secondary school as the catfights continue apace. Despite paying plenty of lip service about how in love with each other they all are, Nadine Coyle lifted the lid on the truth behind their split. Mere hours after coming offstage from the final concert of their reunion tour, she tweeted: ‘You should know by now I had no part in any of this split business. I couldn’t stop them. I had the best time & want to keep going.’ According to sources, bandmate Sarah Harding called to let Nadine know how angry she was. Presumably, the rest of them had already deleted her number.

UP (GIVE ME AN E!) SMALL SCREEN

IT SEEMS reality TV is the new rock’n’roll — or, at least, pop’ n’ roll. Months after Una Healy and pals underwhelmed American audiences with The Saturdays’ E! reality backslap-fest, The Wanted are to follow suit. Dubliner Siva Kaneswaran and his bandmates have just signed a lucrative TV deal following the band’s attempt to crack America. It could spell disaster for The Saturdays as insiders reckon that The Wanted might swoop in and grab the ‘British band looking to break America’ niche on the entertainment channel. Siva certainly has the photogenic looks to get noticed by American TV audiences and as an added bonus he can ask his older sisters Hazel and Gail — both well versed in reality TV themselves — for advice. He could even ask Una for some guidelines, though we’re not sure how useful ‘tweet pics of your baby in various states of fancy dress’ would work for him.

DOWN (TWEET SURPRISE) DISCRETION

WE’VE said it before and we’ll happily say it again: Bressie’s Twitter feed is the gift that keeps on giving — and infinitely more entertaining than almost anything he does offline. Last week, he informed his many followers that he’s not good at multitasking: ‘Dropped my iPhone down the toilet,’ he wrote. ‘And yes I know I should not pee and text at same time. I am phone less and have pee on my hands.’ Much as we appreciate the graphic update, we sometimes wish he could share even more information — just not about his personal hygiene. What, for example, did he make of Sharon Corr’s Jean Byrne-style brave outfit choice on The Voice last week? Not letting us know was a definite Twitter fail.

DOWN (SILENCE IS GOLDEN) COMPETITIONS

HOLLY CARPENTER is one of those celebrities who likes to keep the media informed of her every move. So how Holly found the inner strength to keep quiet about her latest career development, we shall never know. The girlfriend of rugby star Cian Healy has made it to the final of Living TV’s Britain & Ireland’s Next Top Model, where she will be scrutinised on a weekly basis by uber-model Elle McPherson. A friend said: ‘She’s told people she’s doing a jewellery course in Manchester for six weeks, but saying it may be longer. People have noticed she’s dropped off the radar — she’s not on Facebook or Twitter.’ The show’s makers must have confiscated her phone completely to keep her this quiet.

UP (NO W FLASH IN THE PAN) NUDITY

NO DOUBT Holly could tell us — if she had a phone, that is — about how tough life can be as an Irish model, what will all those freezing bikini shoots to deal with. Which is why news of a Dublin model quitting a top-rated HBO show over a topless scene more than piqued our interest. Lisa Nolan quit medieval epic Game Of Thrones when she realised that she would have to film a topless scene. ‘I was aware that the scene was slightly raunchy,’ she said. ‘But when I got there they wanted me to be fully topless and in the scene I had to strip off. So I pulled out at the last minute.’ For now, Lisa is happy to stick to Irish modelling: ‘The whole experience was surreal. I would love to get into acting but right now I’m not focused on it. So I’m glad the producers of Game Of Thrones did contact me for the role, because now I know I have the face for TV.’ Thankfully, she didn’t throw those bikinis out.

UP (A HOST OF FUN TIMES) KISSING

SAOIRSE RONAN is really living the dream. Not only is she a top Hollywood name, she’s also doing what millions of girls her age would love to be doing — kissing hottie-du-jour Max Irons. It certainly looked like fun, but Saoirse was only too happy to put the record straight, lest she invoke the ire of a million tweens. ‘It was a bit like, “Hello, Max, nice to meet you and now we’re playing tonsil tennis”,’ she said. Saoirse insists that kissing scenes are among her least favourite parts of the job: ‘The very first film I did I had to kiss a boy and I was very nervous,’ she said. ‘I was 11 and I was very specific to the director. I said, “Right, how long exactly do you want the kiss to go on for? Five seconds? Three seconds?”’ We’re sure having Daddy Ronan in the room would dampen the mood somewhat anyway.

DOWN (PERHAPS TRY DAFT?) SELLING UP

POOR Shane Filan. Imagine being offered €10million for your house at the height of the boom, and turning it down. No doubt the Westlife star is truly kicking himself now, because a month after putting his mansion on the market for a relatively paltry €990,000, the house is still without a buyer. The house has been described as ‘exceptional by any standards’, and includes those time-honoured popstar trappings: a gym, snooker room, a ‘music room’ (no doubt featuring Westlife on loop), a golfing area and a lake. Alas, experts hint that another price cut might be needed to finally sell the house. We’ll put in an offer of €10,000 right now, just in case. We’ve always wanted a snooker room.

DOWN (WORTH THE WAIT) POLE POSITION

GIVEN their A-list status and jet-setting ways, it’s hard to believe that until last weekend, The Saturdays were bereft of that most basic of popstar accessories: a number one single. Well, that wrong has finally been righted — albeit five years after they formed. The pop group outsold Justin Timberlake’s latest offering by 40,000 units to land their first British chart-topper with their single What About Us. The girls said: ‘We couldn’t be more thrilled to be Britain’s official new number one. Thanks to everyone who has supported us and the single. We love you all.’ Just goes to show you, if you look like a platinumselling pop star and keep acting like one too, it will eventually come true.