The guy of my dreams might be a gangster
Q. I’m in college, but find it quite boring. I want to get into politics. I’m not old enough to contest for the general elections but I want to be part of the campaigning, meet different people, visit different places. I’m sure my time to become an MP will come, and I’ll get good experience in these elections. But my parents are dead against it. They’re saying finish your college and graduation first, going through college teaches you a lot. I say I’ve had almost one year in college and I can complete graduation through correspondence. If I don’t take part in these elections, I’ll have to wait, just imagine, another five years! That’s making me desperate. I’ve never gone against my parents, but should I do it now even though it’ll hurt them a lot? —Y.
A. You have your points, but why hurt your parents? Your parents don’t seem to be objecting to your joining politics per se. According to you, “they’re saying finish your college and gradu- ation first, going through college teaches you a lot”, and they do have a point. What you could do is to continue with college and still be part of the campaigning — this will still give you plenty of time to enter the hurly burly and gain the experience you want while keeping your parents happy. Do remember too that elections will come again, but if you hurt your parents, both their hurt and your own regrets will be very difficult to erase.
Q. My boyfriend is good looking and such a good human being, always helping people. My friends really envy me and my parents too, who are so conservative in these matters, were happy that I had made a good choice, and his parents are also very happy with me. Last week, we all met to fix a wedding date for later this year or early next year. It’s at that meeting that he gave me such a shock. He said I’d get to know anyway later on, so better that he should tell me right now before anything formal happened, that he earned his living through fixing things for others, betting and so on. I’m so devastated and terribly angry, because that means he’s like a gangster. Why didn’t he tell me that before? I think I still love him but do I want to get married to a gangster and subject myself and my family to humiliation? I don’t know. —N.
A. Quite a shock, yes, but perhaps you should get into what exactly he does in greater detail. Fixing things for others for a fee doesn’t necessarily make one a gangster unless there’s a criminal element involved. Many agents fix things for people, but it’s all above board and legal. Similarly, betting can be friendly too. So find out more about the nature of what he does. If you find that it’s objectionable, you could try and persuade him to take up something that would be unobjectionable. And of course, till a satisfactory way out is found and you feel reassured that everything is on the right track, you’ll need to put any formal arrangements about the future on hold. To protect yourself, it’ll be important as well to keep your hopes and expectations within realistic limits.
Q. I’ve been in a physical relationship with my boss for about two years and it was very satisfying for both of us, even though he’s almost 17 years my senior. But now he’s developed a back problem, which means that I have to play a more ac- tive role. This is leading to tensions because he wants me to do things that I don’t want to but have to do. I can quit the job but it’ll mean I left him in the lurch when he was down, in a way. What would you suggest? —S.
A. On the very optimistic side, his back problem may ease out or get cured, in which case presumably your tensions too will end — for now at least. But you say he’s almost 17 years your senior, which means that his physical abilities will certainly not keep pace with yours, and you will have to cope with a slowdown even then. Unless you’re prepared to remain in the relationship no matter what, now is the time to start preparing for an exit that will cause the minimum ill will, hurt or regret.