‘Sexual preferences are deeply ingrained’
QI’m a 31-year-old married woman. My sister recently revealed that she is a lesbian and also that she seeing a girl. She confided in me because we come from a conservative background and my parents would flip at the thought of something of this sort. I’m very concerned about her future and don’t know if she is doing the right thing. My parents are also worried about her behaviour as she just keeps to herself. Kindly advice.
It must be conflicting for you to be supportive to your sister on one hand while being concerned about your parents, on the other hand. As a sibling, you understand you sister and her choices in her life but you may not be able to change her sexual preference. Understand that sexual preferences are deeply ingrained and are unlikely to change by persuasion and coercion.
You could encourage your sister to be open about her sexual orientation to your parents as they will have to know about her sooner or later. Avoid being the gobetween the two parties as it confuses and tests your loyalties to either of them. It is never easy for parents to accept their child’s sexual preferences as they go through the stages of shock and denial that can damage the parent-child relationship.
There would be a stigma of what the relatives think of them. Parents can be extreme in their reactions and indulge in self-blaming or finding fault with their child rearing practices. But they take the time to come out of the denial of your sister’s sexual identity. Provide them a buffer zone to gradually come to terms with the reality. Good luck!