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Being rejected sex too often? Talk it out before it’s late
Experts tell us how regular sexual rejection makes one’s partner irritable and lose confidence, in turn destroying the relationship
Sexual rejection is rarely spoken about, but it is something that affects one adversely. Recently, it was reported that a man in Uttar Pradesh cut off his genitals because his wife refused him sex for more than a decade.
Last month, Sarah Hunter Murray, a relationship therapist with the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, conducted a study to find out how sexual rejection affected men. She interviewed those who were in relationships for an average of 14 years, and found that men who were rejected sex regularly construed it as their “partners not wanting them”.
However, irrespective of gender, sex is important in a relationship. Consultant psychiatrist, sexologist and counsellor Riddhish Maru says, “It’s a way of expressing feelings or love for women, whereas men channel their need for love, intimacy, care and comfort through it.”
IMPACT OF REJECTION
So, how can rejecting sex affect men? “Rejection of sex means rejection of the male ego, and when done regularly, this may lead to irritation, frustration and loss of trust, leading to suspiciousness and loss of interest in the partner,” says Maru. Dr Ajish Mangot, convener, membership subcommittee, Indian Psychiatric Society, adds: “Sexual rejection can propel men to seek sexual liaisons outside marriage. But rather than blaming the partner for rejection, find out the reasons for it. Women often avoid sex when the relationship lacks intimacy, when they are stressed or depressed, if they are suffering from medical illnesses and if they have negative past experiences. In young and naive partners, lack of knowledge about sex is a common cause. Sexual dysfunction or unacceptable sexual preferences may also be responsible.” This can affect a marriage adversely.
“At first, men may express disappointment or resort to passive-aggressive behaviour in the hope that his partner gets the hint. After a while, most men will stop bringing it up altogether... Studies indicate that, not just the quality of sex, but not getting enough sex can lead to trouble between partners.”
Mangot says sexual rejection could give rise to emotions like guilt, anger, confusion, frustration and fear. Their confidence and self-image could take a severe beating too, like in men.
DISCUSS THE ISSUE
Instead of getting rejected, one should talk to his or her partner if they want to get intimate and are ready for sex. “If you observe signs like not wanting to cuddle, missing the passion, avoiding non sexual physical contact and irritability, talk it out before it’s too late.”
It could give rise to guilt, anger, frustration and fear. One’s confidence and self-image could take a severe beating DR AJISH MANGOT