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Falling in love again?
How soon is too soon to date a new person after a split? Experts say what’s the right thing to do
On September 19, it was reported that Angelina Jolie filed for divorce from her husband Brad Pitt, citing irreconcilable differences. The duo had tied the knot in August 2014. It’s been just over a couple of months since the divorce, and it’s being reported that Pitt is already looking for love.
But experts say dating again soon after a breakup is a bad idea. Says Dr Suyog V Jaiswal, assistant professor in psychiatry, “The emotional wounds one sustains post a breakup need to be healed. Getting into a rebound relationship masks the old wounds and may create problems in the long run.”
TAKE A BREAK
So, how long should you wait? Jaiswal says “After a breakup, a person goes through denial, anger and depression, and finally acceptance. The more serious and older the relationship, the longer one takes to get over it. Generally, it takes six months to a year to get over a serious relationship.”
He adds that it is better to avoid another relationship unless you get over your past one, as your state of mind will be conducive to a fresh start only after it recovers. “Before that, you are emotionally still in the past relationship, and may be hoping for its revival, which may not allow you to give your complete attention to the next one.”
FILLING THE VOID
However, that might be difficult for some, as people may want to fill a void. Jaiswal says, “This may happen with those who do not have friends. However, a relationship that starts soon after the end of serious relationship, may not last long.”
However, if you have found someone, and you know they may be a rebound, you can take steps to avoid more pain. Clinical psychologist Tanushree Bhargava says, “Some people get into a new relationship immediately after a breakup as a form of weapon against their ex. People should avoid this and get into a new relationship only after they are certain about their feelings.”
But how do you know you are ready? “When you know you’re over your past relationship and are content with the good memories, rather than being sad over the breakup,” says Jaiswal.
Bhargava adds, “When you no longer feel the desperation to enter into a new relationship, but are waiting for the right moment, you don’t compare your potential partner or relationship with those in the past. You know the reasons behind the breakups and have learned from your mistakes, then you are ready for the next one.”