What is the true meaning of Christmas?

THIS WEEK’S TRAP

I’ve never been that into Christmas — the abundance of consumerism just has never felt right to me. Now I have a fouryear-old who wants all of it, the tree, the lights, the presents and all the things we haven’t bought into over the years. We’ll find our own tailored-down way to make the holidays meaningful. But I’ve started thinking about the impact on him as he grows older and compares our Christmas to other families. Could this eventually push a child in the other direction?

Tina, North Vancouver

YOUR TWO CENTS

Christmas is a golden opportunity to help our children see how truly meaningful their family life is.

Community giving, family and friends, beautiful music, annual rituals, seasonal food, theatre and ballet, classic movies, baking together, playing board games, curling up with mom to read a new book, enjoying the long evenings’ twinkling lights.

Focus on what is truly meaningful for you. Share joy.

Debbie, Vancouver

I grew up in a family where we didn’t have much, yet looking back, I never felt I went without. What my parents did (and I try to do with my children) is not focus on the “stuff,” but the family traditions I still hold near and dear.

Driving around the neighbourhood looking at the different houses lit up. Walking through hotels downtown and looking at all the displays. Baking — lots and lots of baking. I would focus on making family traditions and put the emphasis on those. Do what works for your family.

Anna, Vancouver

MICHELE KAMBOLIS SAYS

Our kids get-get-get all the time. While parents work hard to teach the real meaning of the holidays, kids are often left with mixed messages about what the holidays are truly about. Although it’s easy to get caught up in the consumerism and incessant “I wants” that go along with it, this is a sacred time, a time to build memories with moments that matter.

The tree, the lights, the presents, all feel magical to your four-year-old, so while the traditional trimmings of Christmas may not be your thing, share in the excitement of the celebration and discover your own family rituals to carry forward year after year.

A few years back, I found myself frustrated with my children’s extreme focus on their wish list for Santa. I invited (insisted) they find a way to connect with their gratitude for others, and to do so in a way that was meaningful to them.

My eldest, who is passionate about film, presented each family member with the name of a movie he believed would resonate, inspire or say something about his connection with them. My youngest played a song he believed to be unique to each of us, delighting in our reactions. Now the kids greatly look forward to this ritual, putting a great deal of thought and energy into a gesture of gratitude that crystallizes a core value we hold dear.

Once you’ve discovered some family rituals that express the heart of who you are, extend your reach to those that need it the most. Grocery shopping for an elderly neighbour, or creating a gift basket for a single parent, draws a child’s attention and heart towards something that can only be taught through action: the power of compassion.

Perhaps my biggest wish for you during this time is that you bring ‘who you are’ into everything you do, as you create meaningful, family-oriented rituals that lead to connections with others, and ultimately build a strong, meaningful connection with the holidays.

NEXT WEEK’S TRAP

I’m the mother of three kids all under age nine and I find myself feeling completely exhausted most of the time. I went to a therapist that talked about selfcare and bringing in support and all the things I know would help but we don’t have family in the area and taking time for myself is virtually impossible.

My husband takes over some weekends so I can go away with girlfriends for a little “me” time, but it seems like we’re each just battling for precious time to ourselves. I’m disconnected from him and starting to resent my kids neediness.

How do I realistically survive this stage with my marriage intact?

Burnt Out Mama, Vancouver

ADD YOUR TWO CENTS

Share your advice or a Parent Trap of your own by email: mmobile@shaw.ca