Blowing the whistle on Vancouver’s transportation class war
Shared use: In the confl ict between cyclists, pedestrians and motorists, everyone thinks they’re in the right
In the ongoing class war being waged between pedestrians, cyclists and motorists here in Lalaland, let me introduce myself as a triple opportunity offender. Whenever possible, I drive a white de Vinci Wellington 27- speed. So, OK, I am a cyclist. Wait! When I buy groceries for the week, I opt for my Honda Fit. When the mood seizes me, I often stretch my legs on a prime piece of pavement like the seawall, so I’m a pedestrian too. But I have a bone to pick with the class warriors from all three classes. Why can’t we all get along?
Why do some boneheads talk on cellphones and walk in front of buses? Are drivers that crowd cyclists aware they could face serious civil lawsuits if they injure their victims? When exactly was the West End designated a “pedestrian only” zone? Who are these nimrods that cycle on sidewalks? Why the howling opposition to registering your bike or getting a licence?
If we cyclists want to be treated as equals, we should act like it. When I was a teenager, cyclists were required to go to the police station, register their bikes, and buy a licence plate that you stuck in your spokes so you could look cool. If some jerk stole your bike, chances were the police would find it for you. If your parents were rich and bought you a 10- speed, probably they carried property insurance too.
If any of these sensible precautions were required today in Vancouver, there would be a Stanley Cup- style riot. Register your bike? That’s an invasion of privacy! Spend $ 5 on a licence plate for a $ 5,000 carbon fibre bike? Hey buddy, nobody tells me what to do.
The most prominent lobbies for cycling in Vancouver today are wing nuts like Critical Mass, who express their envy of people who can afford to operate a car by blocking our roads every month. Then there is HUB, a self- appointed cycling association comprised of members who sport Italian racing jerseys and Polish high- jumping shoes and purport to speak for we bozos who wear long pants to work, stick our pants into our socks, and put bells on our handlebars to warn unsuspecting innocents of our presence.
One of HUB’s initiatives this year was to lobby for the right to ride in groups ( blocking traffic and angering motorists). Oh yes, HUB also pushed for the right for cyclists not to stop at stop signs because you’d have to touch your $ 500 racing shoes to the pavement for a nano- second, thereby interrupting the ongoing crosstown racing competition that urgently requires them to blow through intersections without ever slowing down.
The key argument in Vancouver against wearing bike helmets seems to be that nobody ever wears one in Amsterdam, the world’s cycling paradise with 800,000 cyclists, and that nobody ever gets hurt there. Well, I asked for a helmet in Amsterdam when I rented a one- speed heavyduty clunker for a week. The reality is nobody goes faster than five kilometres per hour in Amsterdam because nobody owns a $ 5,000 carbon fibre race bike, but of course pedestrian/ cyclist collisions do occur.
You can see parents in the Netherlands taking their children out for a ride in “wheelbarrow bikes,” the kids stuffed in the front like little cabbages. Never a helmet. The first time I saw such a conveyance, the bike had tipped over on cobblestones and spilled the little cabbages on the ground like discount day in the vegetable section of Safeway.
Here at home, why don’t we apply a little common sense instead? Those who enjoy a romantic affiliation with their car should be required to take a brief written cycling exam when they apply for their driving licences, a dozen questions that require the motorist to think like a cyclist. Maybe Vancouver City Hall should enact a municipal bylaw, like many other cities have already done, to penalize “distracted walking” by handing out tickets to those cybernauts who jaywalk mindlessly in traffic. Fines for motorists that harass cyclists should be jacked up to a level that gains public attention. And no, a yellow light does not mean “go real fast.”
All those pedestrians who enjoy stepping off downtown sidewalks to deliberately walk in front of cars should learn such behaviour is not a civil right, but very wrong every which way. Trouble is, in our constant class war that we call traffic, everybody thinks they are right and that everyone else is wrong. Can you say “self absorbed?” Hey now, don’t get me started about the transit system ...