Abigail Van Buren

Dear Abby

Then what? –

DEAR Tell your granddaughter that you enjoy having her visit, but you noticed that several items had disappeared after she stayed with you. Ask her if she took them. Regardless

ALARMED:

of how she responds, tell her that if she wants to use something of yours, before she does, she should ask permission. If it happens after that, discuss it with her parents then.

My brother is a recovering heroin addict. He stayed clean for almost a year until a few months ago, when he relapsed. He hasn’t used again since his slip and continues to go to outpatient treatment.

My boyfriend, whom I recently moved in with, doesn’t want him to come to the house. He says it’s to protect "his nest,"

DEAR ABBY:

and I understand why. I have tried talking with him about it because I feel that I can’t have any other family members over, but that doesn’t seem to matter to him. My brother heard he isn’t welcome and I feel absolutely terrible.

I’m not sure how to rectify the situation. If my boyfriend can’t accept my family, how is this relationship supposed to last? But another part of me wonders if his feelings are justified, and perhaps I have been too accepting of all the mistakes and grief my brother has caused my family and me. –

DEAR SAD If your brother has stolen from the family in order to feed his habit, your boyfriend has a valid point in not wanting him in the house. His reaction is intelligent. However, the ban should not extend to your entire family, and this is something you need to clarify. If your boyfriend’s objective is to isolate you from all of your relatives, it’s a red flag.

SISTER: