Changing the locks at city hall
Beethoven, the Queen, washed-up rock stars — the mayor’s pandemic hair draws amusing comparisons. But give the man his ’do.
Doesn’t the media have anything better to do than write about the mayor’s hair? Isn’t there some crisis I should be reporting on, like the one we’re currently living through?
I expect my inbox will be flooded with questions like these following the publication of this column, but such questions aren’t entirely fair because who can honestly behold Toronto Mayor John Tory’s hair and say there isn’t a crisis there?
Like many leaders living in cities under some form of COVID-19 lockdown, Tory has been unable to get a haircut, in his case since December. And by God, does he need one. His greyish-whitish mop recently transitioned from just a bit high in some places to full on unhinged, à la Christopher Lloyd as Doc in “Back to the Future.”
This is fitting, as the mayor’s hair serves as a useful tool to gauge the passage of time in lockdown.
At each news conference, it’s a little longer on the sides, a little fuller on top and, of late, a lot more famous.
This week Tory’s hair drew comparisons on social media to Beethoven, the Queen, the Beverly Hillbillies, Toronto’s rebel mayor William Lyon Mackenzie and an assortment of washed-up rock stars.
These last two comparisons are interesting because rebel and rock star are probably some of the last words that come to mind when one thinks about John Tory. “I’m a person who doesn’t throw shoes,” he told me this year when I asked him why he wasn’t angry with the provincial government for refusing to institute paid sick leave. Now he looks like a person who throws TVs out of motel windows.
It turns out this ’do may not be entirely out of step with who he is.
“When I was a kid I wanted to grow long hair and my father wouldn’t let me,” Tory told me on the phone Tuesday. “He also thought my hair doesn’t grow long, it grows out. It’s still that way now and I’m blessed to have it.”
The mayor says he’s thought about sporting a man bun. In fact, he always wanted a ponytail as a kid. He says he has enough hair now that he can “probably have braids.” But that isn’t a look he’s interested in sporting.
Why doesn’t he just let his wife cut his hair? After all, Premier Doug Ford’s daughter gave him a trim recently and she did a decent job.
Tory says his wife has many skills, but he doesn’t believe hair trimming is one of them. “I think it would hurt the feelings of the people who cut my hair all these years if I had someone else cut it,” he says.
He tried blow-drying his hair to tame it, but this seemed to make it even more unruly.
“My wife got a Dyson hair dryer for Christmas and it has special properties that causes your hair to blow up,” he says. “In my case it made my hair so tall I couldn’t get into ordinary doorways.”
At the onset of the pandemic the mayor contemplated cutting his own hair. He even went out to Shoppers Drug Mart and bought some clippers. But he backed out. “I thought I’d make some mistake and social media would make fun of me,” he says.
Now that social media is making fun of him anyway, how does he feel?
“You gotta have a few smiles in this business,” he says. “When you’re in a job like this you come to realize early on, you’re public property.”
Midway through our conversation the mayor pauses. “I can’t believe I’m talking to you about this,” he says.
Neither can I. It’s not every day a female journalist asks a male politician inane questions about his appearance.
We may be in the midst of a so-called “she-cession,” but there is one unforeseen way in which the pandemic has actually taken pressure off women.
It isn’t female leaders wearing pantsuits and surly expressions that make headlines these days. It’s men with bad hair.
“Will he shave his head? Does he use product? For the love of God open the salons and shear this man!”
Women are more or less spared the COVID-hair inquisition because we are expected to have long hair. What’s a few extra inches on Christine Elliott or Chrystia Freeland?
But a few extra inches on a straitlaced guy like Tory? Like it or not, that’s news.
And I have to admit it is kind of novel watching male politicians field mindless comments about their looks that are usually reserved for their female counterparts.
Does public scrutiny of his hair give the mayor deeper insight into the experience of female leaders?
“Completely,” he says. “I am not a fashion plate. I buy clothes that are OK. No one has ever commented on that or my hair for that matter. Female politicians face this all the time. It’s extraordinary the double standards that exist. The fact people are poking fun at my hair makes me more aware of that.”
Will this awareness recede when salons open and men in power are shorn once more? Tory says he’ll get a haircut as soon as he is able, but I think he should consider keeping it long in solidarity with his female colleagues.
Besides, he always wanted a ponytail.
Seize the day, Mr. Mayor. It’s never too late for a new look.