Think you’re an early bird? Try a lion
It used to be there were two types of people in the world: early birds and night owls.
Now, when it comes to talking about how we sleep and when, there’s a new, extraordinarily popular, classification system in play and it’s based on mammals — lions, wolves, bears and dolphins. Each animal represents a human “chronotype,” which is essentially a genetically predetermined inner clock.
American clinical psychologist and sleep specialist Michael J. Breus is the man behind the animals, but the taxonomy is everywhere if you look for it online. Health gurus have adapted it to tell you how to plan every aspect of your life — work, sex, diet, exercise and, of course, when to sleep — according to your own personal bio-time.
If you’re a “lion,” you’re a morning person. People who like to stay up late (formerly night owls) are now wolves. Bears are a middle-of-the-road type that avoids extremes, be they early mornings or late nights. And dolphins, well, they’re the worst animal to get; that means you probably have sleep problems.
How do you know which mammal you are? You can probably guess from the descriptors but, in case you have any doubts, there’s a quiz. And everybody likes a quiz, right?
“Congratulations, You’re a Bear,” was my answer. And that’s good.
Being a bear is the best thing you can possibly be. We’re the glue of society, we like the idea of being healthy and we’re fun to be around. Famous bears include Oprah Winfrey, Arianna Huffington, Ellen DeGeneres, Jeff Bezos and Stephen King. Well, at least I like one
person in my clan.
If you’re thinking this all sounds a little like astrology, especially when it comes to the vague descriptors that could apply to most people, I’m with you. There is some solid science behind the idea of chronotypes, though.
“We all have circadian rhythms based on light cycles of the sun that make you tired or hungry or energized at certain times of the day and it’s usually the same time every day,” says Greg Wells, Torontoarea author and performance physiologist.
“What I encourage people to do is just journal for a few days and write down when they feel
sharp, clear, focused and energized, and when they feel drowsy and tired. Then try to align the most important things they need to do to the times when they’re energized.
“You don’t want to be doing important work when you’re drowsy because the work’s not going to be very good and you’re just going to be miserable trying to make that happen,” he adds.
According to my quiz results, I’m supposed to work in the morning and maybe a little in the early afternoon because we’re an “important part of the success machine.”
Bears aren’t supposed to start with a coffee right away but, instead, wait an hour or two, which, funnily enough, is something I already do. Apparently, I can have coffee into the early afternoon; I doubt this is true. In fact, I’m pretty sure this would turn me into a dolphin.
That’s a real thing, by the way. A lot of bears have dolphin tendencies (a.k.a. occasional insomnia). These categories, which divide all of existence into the four sleep animals, aren’t hard and fast, it would seem.
“There’s a wide variation of human experience and, while the extremes would be the night owl and the early riser, there’s many variations and combinations and permutations,” says Wells. “We like to categorize ourselves and simplify things, and I think the reality is that it’s probably more like a continuum than distinct categories that you’re locked into.”
That’s happy news, since, apparently, if bears don’t exercise by 1 p.m., we don’t do it at all. It’s hard to fit that in with doing my part in the “success machine,” though, given that’s also my window for working. My ideal bedtime is, apparently, precisely 11:10 p.m., which, now that “Last Week Tonight With John Oliver” is over for the season, is almost realistic.
In fact, it’s pretty close to when I actually go to bed. Maybe I would go to bed earlier, though, if I started drinking alcohol at the optimal bear happy-hour time: 3:30 in the afternoon. That changes everything.
Well, no, actually, it doesn’t. As I type this sentence, it’s way past 3:30 p.m. and there’s no beer in my hand. So that makes me a lot less likely to invest in any of these programs to learn about my optimal time to eat a cheeseburger.
In fact, it’s starting to remind me of those DNA fitness tests that purport to tell you things like the precise number of coffees you can drink before getting jittery. Aside from the fact that I’ve been told by experts in genetics that the data just isn’t there yet for these kind of precise prescriptions, that’s the sort of thing I can figure out myself, when, you know, the coffee mug starts to shake.
Still, there’s something to be said for the general idea and paying attention, so I don’t veer into dolphin territory with too many bad choices. I like being a bear. But I think I can handle figuring out when a cheeseburger fits into my life.
“It’s just becoming aware, I think,” says Wells.
“A lot of people perceive their moods, emotions and energy levels as things beyond their control, when the reality is that you can be very much in their control if you pay attention and use yourself as a laboratory to figure out how you can be healthier and happier.”
OK, now it’s time for a beer. Time to knock off and read “Doctor Sleep,” a pretty great book by my favourite fellow bear.