Moving on is a hard part of moving house
For many, homes are like family members and leaving them behind is tough
The final straw for Paula Coop McCrory was when her neighbour accused the 44-year-old teacher of flooding the neighbour’s basement. Living in a small semi-detached home in Toronto’s east end, McCrory had tired of the lack of privacy. She loved her home, but had long been feeling the strains of Toronto’s dense population and close living quarters. At the time, the mother of three elementary school boys and her husband shared a wall with a single woman whose lifestyle was the complete opposite of the family’s.
“I got tired of feeling that I had to apologize for having children,” she explains. She knew it was time to leave but what she didn’t expect was the emotions that packing up and leaving would bring.
The process of moving — the packing up, the reassessing, the memories — often reveals feelings that have been percolating under the surface for some time.
According to a 2015 study by the Canadian Association of Mortgage Professionals, the average Canadian will own 4.5-5.5 homes in their lifetimes. Each of these moves represent opportunities for personal reflection.
For Coop McCrory, even taking the practical steps towards moving was difficult.
“We raised our three boys in this home; we had so many memories,” she remembers.
“When you move, you’re forced to ask yourself, ‘How much do I carry forward and how much do I let go?’ It’s difficult but there’s also a recognition that it can also be a time of release — that was the mantra in my mind.”
For Rebecca Keenan, the news came quickly. Her husband would be working in Washington and the family would be moving to the U.S. capital from their comfortable home in Toronto’s west end. Keenan, a mother to three children ages 13, 10 and 7, felt a range of emotions as she quickly got into gear, organizing the details of the imminent move. The unexpected and sudden life change evoked recollections of her family’s many experiences in the house that they’d called home for almost a decade. The reality that they’d be leaving it behind was bittersweet.
“Every surface, every corner, is brimming with memories and significance,” recounts the 40-year-old writer. After all, this was the first house that she and her husband owned. Her youngest child was born in the upstairs bedroom. Memories flooded in as she sorted out the items that she would take to her new destination.
But she realized her physical environment was adding to her feelings of emotional weight. Being forced to declutter was cathartic.
“I think every big family should rent a mini dumpster every five years and clear out all the accumulated junk,” she says. “I feel so much lighter now.” Kirsten Boorman, 52, certainly didn’t make the decision to move lightly. She would be buying a house with her mother with whom she had a close, but complicated relationship.
“My mother and I had spoken for a long time about buying a house together,” she said. The decision to do so, however, was fraught with self-doubt.
Adding to this reality was the fact that the elder of the two was an interior designer with very particular needs and desires for her living space. “If my mother wasn’t happy (with the house), it wasn’t going to work,” she says.
“When we were packing up all of our stuff, my mother and I had some very tough moments,” she recalls. “We had to face head-on the emotions that came with letting go of items that were no longer needed.”
Both women had strong feelings about the importance of particular items — and the insignificance of others.
It was crucial for them to come to an understanding if the future living arrangements were going to work.
Things did finally work themselves out, but not without challenges.
Ultimately, the move to a five-bedroom home on an acre and a half in Keswick proved to be cathartic for Coop McCrory. Her artistic side is now being nourished in a dedicated studio on the property and there’s no more fear of her kids making too much noise.
“I never realized how much the noise of the city was affecting me, but packing up and moving to the country has made me realize how much we needed this change.”
Packing brought surprising emotions for her. There were overwhelming feelings of catharsis and relief. The stress and anxiety that had plagued her for so many years of city living bubbled to the surface. She hadn’t realized that the pressures of city living were affecting her so deeply.
Today, Coop McCrory is at peace, knowing that she made the right decision for her family. Still, the transition to country living wasn’t easy.
“It took about a year and a half to really let go,” she says.
“I never realized how much the noise of the city was wrapped around the way I thought.”
The quiet and calm of her current life stands in stark contrast to years of living in the constant “white noise of the city.”