Good Witch offers an overdose of saccharine
The Show: Good Witch, Season 2, Episode 2 The Moment: Cassie’s advice
Cassie Nightingale (Catherine Bell), who magically sells customers whatever they need, is training a new salesgirl in her store (or rather, shoppe), Bell Book and Candle — located on Main St. in Middleton, U.S.A., where it’s always Christmas or Halloween. The salesgirl had some accident with her hands, which prevents her from pursuing her dream job. (Or something like that. I might have dozed off. Trust me, it doesn’t matter.)
“How can I help?” the salesgirl asks.
“Oh, there’s always something to be done at the Bell Book and Candle,” Cassie says, smiling enigmatically.
Sure enough, the salesgirl solders a glass box. She’s cured!
I have to apologize to the women of North America. I knew you were tired, but I didn’t know you were this tired. The only reason anyone could watch this show is that they’re so stressed, they need this tranquilizer in television form.
Every moment of the series is the same moment, engineered to lull viewers into a Chardonnay coma: Somebody asks Cassie what he/she should do, and she smiles enigmatically (her sole expression, because her face is frozen stiff ).
I actually worry about Good Witch falling into the wrong hands — this is some weapons-grade treacle. Vladimir Putin could become the showrunner, bore us into submissive somnolence and take over Canada while we nap.
So if you’re ever on the subway home thinking, “I’m so wrung out, maybe I’ll watch Good Witch,” call me instead and I’ll come brush your hair. No one should be this tired. Good Witch airs on the W network on Thursdays at 8 p.m. Johanna Schneller is a media connoisseur who zeroes in on pop-culture moments. She usually appears Monday through Thursday.