Sporty guy not crazy about woman’s love of ballet, opera
Dear Lisi: I’m a 32-year-old man dating a woman I met fairly recently through friends. I have a fun job in the car industry and am very athletic and sporty. I go to the gym every day before work, and my ideal weekend is spent with friends, watching sports, playing sports, hiking, biking, etc.
This woman was introduced to me through some mutual friends who know me well. I was told she also loves sports and being outdoors. She has a large dog whom she walks daily.
We’ve gone out for a walk, a coffee date, to dinner twice and to the movies. So far, so good. Then she invited me to the ballet. Not my thing. But I went anyway to give it a try and because I like her.
Then she insisted we go to the opera. Not my thing. Again, I went because I didn’t want to be “that” guy. Both were tolerable, but not my idea of a good time.
I’m worried that these are the activities she enjoys and I’m going to have suffer through if I want to have any chance with a relationship with her. I like her a lot, but ….
What do I do?
Ballet, no way You’re kind-hearted and open enough to have said yes to those two events, once each. Now the real work comes in. Honesty and openness in relationships is what opens the door for communication — and communication is key to a healthy relationship.
Continue to date, doing things that interest both of you. Try taking her to a sporting event (she owes you one) and see how she likes it. But then discuss. Be honest. Tell her the opera and ballet don’t interest you.
She’s obviously attended before she knew you, so she has people to go with her. Same for you and your sporting events. Two people in a loving relationship don’t need to spend every moment together. Each is allowed his/her own interests. As long as your time is divided in a balanced fashion among work, play, togetherness and individual interests, you should be OK.
Every morning my mother calls to read me the obituaries. Most days, I cut her off and tell her that I’m too busy
Dear Lisi:
at the moment. Most of the time, that’s the truth. I have four kids under 11 and mornings are hectic, to say the least.
But once I’ve dropped all the kids off at their respective schools and programs, I call my mom back. Often, she’s moved on to another section of the newspaper, thankfully. We talk for the duration of my drive to work.
I’ve repeatedly asked her not to call me in the morning, with promises that I’ll always call her once I’m kid-free. I’ve proven my reliability, but she still calls me first thing. She’s not that old, and according to her doctors, not suffering from any form of dementia or mental deficiencies.
I think she’s just obsessed with the obits and her own demise. I’m not there — I have four young children and feel very much young and alive. I don’t want to think about death — not mine and not hers.
How do I get her to stop this depressing habit?
Morning Mama I know lots of people who read the obituaries religiously. Your mom is not alone. But like you, it’s not my focus, either. I also find it depressing.
You’ve tried talking to her about it; she’s not changing her habits. My suggestion would be to just not answer the phone while you’re busy with the children. Then, as is your routine, call her once you are alone.
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