Searching the city for the decent men

Are there any decent men left in the world? If it weren’t for my daily interactions with decent blokes in and around Victoria, I think even I would be having doubts.

The news lately is filled with bad news about evil deeds perpetuated by men, and these are men who are husbands, fathers, grandfathers, friends, bosses, co-workers, judges, professionals in high positions and politicians.

Watching the nightly news broadcasts has become a chore, especially when peering across the border at the Judge Brett Kavanaugh confirmation hearings. Seeing a panel of men of varying maturity and age sitting in judgment of a sexual abuse survivor without a single individual standing up and saying, “I believe you” is traumatizing for everyone.

If you are not a survivor of sexual assault or unwanted touching, you know someone who is. Every single man knows someone who has been scarred by an incident in their past. As a man, it is our moral obligation to look into our own past to see where we might have crossed the line. To some women, we might need to apologize; to others, we might need to listen, stand up and say: “I believe you.”

To other men, we need to lead by example and shut down inappropriate behaviour in its tracks. Friends don’t let friends be abusers.

The time for excuses is over. We need all men to understand what abuse looks like. Not only will this save a lot of women and girls from this pain, but it will also help stop men and boys from being victims of abuse, too. If we know what abuse is, we will also recognize when it is happening to us.

As men, we have the power to end this, to support the women in our lives and shout: “No more!”

And for those decent men I meet when I’m out and about at the local barbers, coffee shops, restaurants and pubs, thank you, brothers, for giving me hope that the next generation will have a better understanding of what being a man truly means.