15 more saves till a trim for Servais
Scott Servais’s makeover is going to require 50 saves — and maybe one hold.
The Mariners manager vowed he would get an Edwin Diaz-style haircut if Diaz amassed 50 saves this season (he had 35 as of Monday), but Servais’ daughter Jackie threw a high, hard one at that notion.
“Cannot tell you how many bets Scott made with us growing up that he NEVER followed through with,” she tweeted. “Edwin, I will drag him into your barber’s chair kicking and screaming.”
Hurt 1, Hurt 2 ...
Jake Fromm, Georgia’s sophomore quarterback, broke his nonthrowing hand in a freak boating accident this off-season — this after previously landing in the ER with a fish hook stuck in his leg.
Bulldog sympathizers are already passing the hat to get this guy a PlayStation 4 or something.
Paging Annie Savoy
A Cardinals groundskeeper got beaned by an off-target ceremonial first pitch.
That’s what they get for letting Nuke LaLoosh do the honours.
Cover your ears
The loudest boom heard on the Fourth of July was:
a) Cousin Clem’s M-80 exploding inside a garbage can
b) Those 74 hotdogs inside Joey Chestnut finally cutting loose
One strike and one out
Roger Hoover, the radio voice of the Class AA Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp, lost the screen on his laptop midgame when a foul ball shattered it during his Fourth of July broadcast.
Well, that’s one way to get rid of pop-up ads.
Sports quiz
The biggest competitive mismatch these days is: a) Globetrotters vs. Generals b) Warriors vs. NBA c) Joey Chestnut vs. hotdogs
News flash
Dateline L.A.: LaVar Ball lowers his sights, insists he’s always dreamed of having all three sons play for BC Vytautas.
Upon further review
Authorities in Manitoba have dropped marijuana charges against Saskatchewan Roughriders receiver Duron Carter.
Apparently the instant-replay booth ruled he didn’t have possession.
NBA quiz
According to an ESPN report, Kyrie Irving might consider joining the Knicks a year from now: a) as a free agent b) grandfathered in as Uncle Drew
Say What? Dept.
Move aside, jumbo shrimp, and make room for the language’s latest oxymoron, courtesy of the Warriors’ Kevin Durant: 7-foot small forward.
Talking the talk
• Syndicated columnist Norman Chad, on the U.S. failing to qualify for the World Cup: “If it is any consolation, we also stink in math, civil rights, education, gun control, supporting the arts, climate-change awareness, electoral security and cable news.”
• Jim Barach of JokesByJim.blogspot.com, on LaMelo Ball starting out 3-for-32 from 3-point range in father LaVar’s Junior Basketball Association: “At that point, the coach should be saying, ‘Ever heard of an assist?’”
• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, on the alreadystacked Warriors signing AllStar centre DeMarcus Cousins: “It’s like you ask Santa for a bike, and he brings you a Harley.”
Sport of Kings Dept.
England-based Phoenix Thoroughbreds — the same outfit that owns Belmont runner-up Gronkowski — has purchased a two-year-old son of Medaglia d’Oro and renamed the colt LeBron J.
Just one problem: The colt immediately voided his contract and bolted for L.A.
Headlines
• At Fark.com: “29 NBA teams to change their name to the Washington Generals in 2019.”
T.O., as in Talking Offsite
Diva receiver Terrell Owens says he will make his Pro Football Hall of Fame induction speech at his alma mater, Tennessee-Chattanooga, on the same date as the ceremonies in Canton, Ohio. Hey, don’t laugh. He could’ve chosen to speak while doing sit-ups in his driveway.
Get a whiff of this
The Rays’ Carlos Gomez provided his own Fourth of July fireworks, smashing a dugout water cooler with his bat and punching another one after striking out in the second inning of his team’s 3-0 loss to the Marlins.
Veteran observers — citing Gomez’s career-worst .195 batting average — were shocked that he hit either one.
Tough call
The worst NFL predraft advice taken the past three decades was:
a) 2014: a homeless man urging Browns owner Jimmy Haslam to draft Johnny Manziel
b) 1998: Hunter S. Thompson telling Colts owner Jim Irsay to draft Ryan Leaf over Peyton Manning
c) 1991: Seahawks owner Ken Behring ordering his troops to draft Dan McGwire over Brett Favre
Food for thought
Today’s fine-dining tip: It doesn’t pay to get soused and threaten the restaurant wait staff if there’s a former UFC champion (Matt Serra, in this case) eating at a nearby table.
Let’s just say last Wednesday’s offerings at the Red Rock Casino’s Grand Cafe in Las Vegas suddenly included pretzels.
Tweet of the Week
From AZCardinals: “Sorry, Warriors. You can’t have Larry Fitzgerald.”
Cup check
Washington Capitals star Alexander Ovechkin took the Stanley Cup to his native Russia, with a public viewing scheduled at a fanfest event before a World Cup match in Moscow.
Just one bit of advice, courtesy of Robert Kraft: If Vladimir Putin asks to examine it, don’t hand it to him.