Go with true love

Dear Annie: I’ve been seeing this guy for almost a year now. We practically live together, in fact. At first, to be honest, we just “hooked up” for, as he put it, “pleasure.” But over the course of about three months of these hookups, our relationship got a little more serious, and now, almost a year later, we have deep feelings for each other. We both know that we love each other, too. We talk about our future, making plans for trips together.

The problem is that two of my sons aren’t happy about or accepting of our relationship. You see, there is a big age difference between my guy and me. I’m 52, and he is exactly half my age. We don’t look at that as a big deal, since we connect on so many levels. Sure, there are some things that are not what each of us are accustomed to, but we look past those things. He has made me feel more sexy and desired than any other man as well. But my two oldest sons, who are older than him, just can’t get past the age gap. My oldest son is dead set against it. Any advice you can give me would be appreciated. -- In Love but Losing

Dear ILBL: The part of your letter that struck me the most was that you say you and your beau “both know” that you love each other: It implies that you two haven’t actually said those words to each other. If that’s the case, it’s time for a “define the relationship” conversation so you can make sure that you’re on the same page. If this is indeed true love, then set aside your sons’ disapproval. Over time, as they see how much this man means to you, they may come around. A family counseling session including you and your sons might help with the process.

Dear Annie: This is in response to “Heart in Shambles,” who found out her boyfriend was cheating on her after his other girlfriend sent her a message. From my personal experience, I’d bet her heart is not the only one in shambles. I’ve been married to the same man for almost 54 years. Let me just say “Heart in Shambles” could have been the women he had affairs with at different times throughout our marriage. I could have told each of them he would never leave me or his children for either one of them. I knew this as a fact, because no matter how much I knew about his philandering, he was always here for holidays or any other celebrations or times he needed to be here. I knew he would never leave.

I won’t go into the whys of my decision to stay with him; they are varied and complicated. And every time I read a letter such as hers, I almost feel sorry for women like that.

As an aside, we have both been retired for over a decade, and we are growing older happily, in spite of the heartaches. But whether I speak it out loud or not, the pain and humiliation are still there no matter how much time has passed.

Please continue to advise those like “Heart in Shambles” that they can do better and they should always choose to do better. -- Cracked but Not in Shambles

Dear Cracked: Time heals most wounds, but scars are a different story. I am glad you and your husband were able to find happiness on the other side of infidelity, though I’m sorry to hear you’re still carrying that pain. Thanks for the perspective.

Dear Annie: I believe your answer to “Canine Cacophony” provided some practical advice about how to deal with noisy dogs next door. CC had problems enjoying his/her outdoor space because of the noise.

I’d like to provide another perspective. We have one quiet dog. Our nextdoor neighbor has three noisy pooches who seem to be outside a lot. My neighbors are the kindest people, and they have been there for us in times of emergency and in every neighborly way imaginable. We count ourselves fortunate to have these neighbors -- dogs barking and all. Every relationship has its pluses and minuses, and I always say if you don’t want to hear crying babies or barking dogs, suburbia is not for you.

That being said, we did put up a privacy fence and let our neighbors know how much we’d miss our backyard chats (there’s always the front yard!). Our dog would definitely be in on the barking if he could see his neighbors, and the fence provides a measure of peace for all of us. -- Lucky in the Suburbs

Dear Lucky in the Suburbs: Good fences make for good neighbors. It sounds like you solved the problem. Your positivity and perspective regarding your neighbors are what makes for a happier life. If we focus on the cup half full, we tend to get more joy and happiness in our lives. Acknowledging your gratitude for your wonderful neighbors while setting the boundaries that make sense for your family sounds like the perfect solution.

Seeing the good in our literal neighbor or our metaphorical neighbor leads us to live a more peaceful life.

Dear Annie: It’s been interesting and uplifting to read the stories of people persisting in the pursuit of their dreams, proving that you’re never too old.

These made me think of a story that may not be all that well-known.

Character actor Burt Mustin did not begin his professional acting career until after he had retired at the age of 67. He made over 150 appearances on TV and in movies in his career, working almost until his death at the age of 92. -- Retired Postal worker

Dear Retired Postal Worker: Thank you for sharing the story about the character actor.