There is no need to share marriage woes with mother
The following column was originally published in 2015, before the pandemic.
Dear Annie: You must know that for every letter that you get, you only hear half of the story. I read the letter from “Wife on the Outside,” who said her husband talks to his mother negatively about her. I hope that my wife reads that and follows your advice to go to counselling.
I am a loving husband and father, and tired of accusations of disloyalty. I love my wife. When my mother asks me how she's doing and my answer is, “She is very unhappy,” I am not being disloyal. I am being truthful. But my wife doesn't like it.
My wife drinks a lot of wine in the evening. When she is no longer sober, she becomes nasty to the point where she is unbearable.
She refused to go for counselling, so I went alone. My counsellor recommended that I attend Al-anon, and I plan to go back soon.
My wife does not consider herself an alcoholic. If there is any way you can help convince her to get counselling, I would be very grateful.
Suffering Husband
Dear Suffering: Your wife didn't write to us, and we are unlikely to convince her of anything, since she is unwilling to admit she has a problem. Our advice is for you: First, please stop telling your mother that your wife is unhappy. While we know that Mom can be a source of support, your marital problems are not really her business.
If your wife considers it “disloyal,” then you must stop confiding in Mom. If you need to talk to someone, go back to your counsellor. Second, we hope you will return to Al-anon meetings and learn the limits of what you can do in this situation and how you can help yourself cope. Living with someone who abuses alcohol can be both difficult and exhausting. We'll be thinking of you.
Dear Annie: I read your column every day, and I've been finding myself feeling sorrier and sorrier for women in their 40s and 50s. So many letters are about men who can't anymore and women who don't want to anymore. The message seems to be that sex has to end the minute a woman hits menopause. And that's absolutely not true.
Last week, I had lunch with two women who have been my friends since high school. We are all in our early 70s, and every one of us agreed: Sex has been better in the last 15 years than ever before. We're not working now, so we can stay in bed and cuddle for hours if we want. There are no kids at home, so we can “take a nap” with our honeys without the slightest embarrassment. If we need lubrication, we use it. If there's more petting than fireworks, then we celebrate petting — but we all have delighted in recent fireworks, too.
Come on, women! So our bodies don't look as awesome as they used to. So our sweethearts are a bit flabby.
If two people love each other, they should still enjoy giving and taking pleasure. And, take it from us three women, you'll look years younger with that glow in your cheeks and that sparkle in your eyes.
Three Sexy Old Broads in Vermont
Dear Vermont: Whatever they are putting in the water up there, you ought to bottle it. Bless you for pointing out that loving someone makes the effort worthwhile.