Seek professional help for alcoholic loved one

This column was originally published in 2013.

Dear Annie: I am a mother of three children.

When our oldest child, “John,” went to college, he started drinking a lot. I asked him about it, and he admitted that he might have a problem, but he did nothing. That was 10 years ago. He has had two DWIS since, and he drinks every day. I found out from his girlfriend that he gets into the shower with a beer in his hand. I recently noticed that the whites of his eyes are yellow, which I’m told is a sign of liver damage.

We’ve tried talking with John, but he denies he has a problem. My daughter has gone out socially with John, and she says he is fun to be with, and then suddenly a switch flips and he yells and curses. He once did it when he and my daughter were alone, and she was so scared she called the police.

His current girlfriend has tried to get him to stop drinking, but he won’t do it. We are so afraid he is going to die or that he will get into an accident and kill himself or someone else. Please help before we end up having to bury our son. Two Scared Parents

Dear Parents: Your son will not stop drinking until he is ready, and you cannot make that happen. His alcoholism may also mask other problems, such as depression, and he might be willing to discuss those issues with a doctor. You also could try an intervention, but please do so only with the assistance of a professional.

Right now, contact Al-anon (alanon.alateen.org) for support and information. Give the website for AA (aa.org) to John and tell him you love him. That’s all you can do. The rest is up to your son. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.