This Dennis really is a menace
Dear Annie:
I’m a mother in my mid-20s and a very concerned sister. My brother, Dennis, is four years younger and the first to graduate high school. He went to college and had everything going for him. Now he’s throwing it all away.
Dennis turned to drugs and has missed important moments in our lives, such as weddings and holidays. He only shows up at my mother’s or grandmother’s house to take a shower, and then he goes out again. My family and I are trying so hard to point him back in the right direction.
Two months ago, I had to have Dennis arrested for assaulting me. We’re all worried something terrible is going to happen. There are times when he’s completely out of it and doesn’t know what’s going on. What do we do? Worried Family in Illinois
Dear Worried:
It’s a nightmare when a family member is on drugs, because there’s little you can do. Your brother must want to stop and be willing to get appropriate treatment. He’s not there yet. It is important that your family members protect themselves while being open to any genuine efforts your brother makes to get clean. If he is in college, notify the counsellors there, and contact Nar-Anon (naranon.org) for support.
Dear Annie:
My nephew is getting married soon. The wedding will take place in Canada. My husband and I don’t own passports, nor would we ever buy them, because they’re expensive and we would never use them again.
We’ve travelled to other family weddings within the U.S., but we don’t feel we should be pressured to attend a wedding out of the country. We can’t afford it.
Do you think we’re required to be there? Soon To Be Family Outcast
Dear Soon:
No. You’re not obligated to attend any wedding, and certainly not one that is beyond your financial means. While we believe family members should make an effort to attend one another’s special events, it should not require overextending yourselves. Send your regrets and a nice gift to make up for your absence. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.