Teenagers and chores: the battle continues
Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 23 years, and we have two teenage daughters. Our biggest issue is disciplining the kids. I think they should do more household chores. My husband agrees in theory, but does nothing to hold them accountable when they don’t co-operate, so the burden of discipline falls on me.
I’ve talked to them until I’m blue in the face. I’ve tried letting things go to see whether they’d eventually do something and that doesn’t work, either. Usually, I end up so frustrated that I throw a hissy fit and clean it myself.
I’m ready to move out. To me, it’s more than the mess. It’s teaching the kids to be independent, to have some work ethic and to be accountable for their actions. To them, I’m being a nag. What should I do? Tired in Rural Oregon
Dear Tired: Nagging is part of your job as a parent. And it’s OK to let some things go. The girls’ rooms are theirs. Leave their clothes on the floor and their beds unmade. Tell them those things are their responsibility, and show them how to use the washer and dryer.
Common areas will be tougher, but they’re counting on you to give up. Firmly and repeatedly remind your husband and children to do whatever chores you assign. Don’t do these things for them out of exasperation and try not to become angry. Offer incentives in the form of increased or decreased allowance. Help them understand that you’re not a servant. If your husband won’t help, discuss hiring outside cleaning assistance.
Dear Annie: I am a senior in high school and plan to have a family graduation party next spring. However, I haven’t spoken to my maternal grandparents in six months. They have never been a part of my life and have said and done some hurtful things over the years.
They often start fights at family get-togethers.
Honestly, I’d be happy never to see them again, but I don’t want to hurt my mom by not inviting her parents. Should I? East Coast Senior
Dear Senior: Yes — not only because it would please your mother, but also because it will give your grandparents a chance to behave better.