DAUGHTER EMBARRASSED BY BLUE-COLLAR ROOTS
The following column was originally published in 2012.
Dear Annie: I never thought I’d be writing, but here I am. I was a single mother and struggled to raise my children without help. They are all good kids.
One daughter, “Susan,” lives more than 3,000 kilometres away from the rest of the family. She left home early, went to the big city and educated herself. She is the only member of the family to have a degree, and we are very proud of her. Susan has worked hard to distance herself from her blue-collar roots. She has high expectations of the rest of her family in terms of our behaviour and attitudes, and we invariably disappoint her. Recently, Susan cut off all contact because the stress of dealing with us is “making her ill.”
Next spring, Susan will be marrying into a wealthy family. She has made it clear that we are not to behave in any manner that embarrasses her and informed me that she will have friends “keeping an eye on us” throughout the event.
It hurts all of us that we are not up to par for the social circles she is now a part of.
If I go to the wedding, I cannot genuinely be myself. I was looking forward to meeting her new in-laws. (I haven’t met them in the five years she’s been with her fiance.) I want to share in Susan’s joy, but I feel I’ll be an actor in her play. She doesn’t truly want me there. She only wants me to fill a role.
Do I bow out of the celebration and regret it for the rest of my life? Or do I attend and participate in this charade? Heartbroken Mother of the Bride
Dear Mother: You’ve answered your own question. If you don’t attend, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. So go. Most weddings require a certain amount of play-acting and being on one’s very best behaviour. Surely you can manage it for a few hours on Susan’s wedding day. Yes, she seems more than a little snobby, but if you don’t focus on how much you dislike your role at the wedding, you might even enjoy yourself. Please try.
Dear Annie: I am a bartender and waitress at a small local restaurant. We recently worked a big party that included drinks and a three-course meal. When it came time to pay, the customer left us a fairly large tip.
When my boss found out how much money they left, he decided to take a portion of it. He said he deserved it because he provided the atmosphere and decorations and also helped
When my boss found out how much money they left, he decided to take a portion of it. He said he deserved it.
cook the meal.
I was under the assumption that a tip goes to the server. Wouldn’t the customer be insulted to know that the owner is not only getting the profits from the restaurant, but also taking the tips? Am I being greedy, or does this seem wrong to you? Michigan
Dear Michigan: In most instances, owners are not legally entitled to take the tips given directly to their servers, even if the owners are helping out in the kitchen or at the bar. If your boss makes a habit of this, you can report him to your local labour board.