ARRANGED MARRIAGE
Play explores family drama
The Netflix series, Indian Matchmaking, is a ratings hit in India, and has trumped viewership for most other romance reality shows in Canada.
So the timing of the Citadel's production of A Brimful of Asha is very good indeed; arranged marriages may be having a bit of a moment.
The traditional Indian technique that sees parents pick partners for their children is at the heart of this 100-minute one-act, which kicks off Oct. 24 in the Shoctor Theatre. Originally written and performed by Toronto theatre artist Ravi Jain and his mom, Asha Jain, the play sees mother and son debate whether arranged marriages are a better choice than so-called love marriages.
The play is rooted in the reality of the Jain household, circa 2007. According to her faith, Asha is unable to move to the next stage of her life until her 27-year-old son is married.
But Ravi has just graduated from theatre school and is establishing himself professionally. He doesn't want to get married, at least not yet. While his parents emigrated from India to Toronto after marrying as per their family's wishes, Ravi was born and raised in a Western culture. He has no interest in having his parents pick his bride.
But Asha is crafty. When Ravi announces he will travel to India to teach a workshop, his parents plan a trip at the same time, ambushing Ravi with potential brides.
The result is revealed in A Brimful of Asha, performed by mother and son in nearly 40 cities around the world since its debut in 2012. Indeed, the Citadel's version is only the second time that the show has featured different actors. (Asha decided to take a break after a production in Australia, and then COVID-19 struck, making it risky for her to travel —although there is talk of a 10-year anniversary show).
There are other COVID-19related changes. Ravi and Asha usually greet theatregoers warmly at the door with handshakes, and a big tray of samosas. While those delightful touches have been eliminated for safety reasons, the intimate nature of the story persists, physical distance notwithstanding (only 100 people will be seated in the 681-seat Shoctor theatre).
The Journal caught up with Ravi Jain to talk about universal stories, the ubiquity of parental expectations, and India's low rate
of divorce. The interview has been condensed and edited.
Q The divorce rate in North America is 40 per cent. In
India, it's one per cent. The latter statistic could be seen as a sign of success, or the fact that women have fewer choices in India. Did you talk with your mom about the downside of arranged marriages?
A We absolutely talked about that. And she has a lot of opinions. Some are progressive and some are not. But for the most part, she totally understands that sometimes it's not a good thing and it can be done very badly.
For her, she felt that's not what she was doing. For her, it was like `why are we talking about that when we are talking about you?'
Q Why did she think an arranged marriage was the answer for you?
A It's like any other relationship. It's about what you commit to, and what you want to do and it's about a belief that love is bigger than just your individual desires and needs. There is a family at play, and the process of love is also very different. It's something that grows over time in a very different way.
My mom said to me that my view of love is selfish, and hers is more open and generous. I don't know if I fully agree, but I get what she's getting at. For her, it's about duty, and responsibility and a larger idea of family.
Q How did you react when your parents thrust potential wives upon you in India?
A It was no problem. We met and
chatted and it was clear nothing was going to come of it. I was open to the possibility of it all; why not?
Q You married for love. How were your parents with that?
A They were thrilled because that was the goal. It didn't matter how, just that I did. My wife is Sikh, she grew up in Kelowna
and we met here in Toronto. She was on TV at the time we met, so my parents were `oh, good, she's cooler than you.'
Everyone has tastes and biases. With arranged marriages, they are just explicit about it. But it's similar to swiping left or right on Tinder. These calculations are being made by families all around the world, by people where you work, in your friend circle.
Q How does the audience react to your mother's focus on arranged marriage?
A They love her. She's very inviting and beguiling and cheeky and you can't help but hear some truth in what she is saying. I value her perspective and I understand it and I wanted to give the audience a chance to really listen to it. They're coming in thinking arranged marriage is bad and it is forced marriage and that may be true. But this is a real person, and her point of view is real and true.
I love the section where she gets to tell her own story about her life and marriage and journey to Canada. For a good 15 minutes, the audience is silent and taking in this real immigrant story — the challenges she faced, the successes she had. The audience always says `awww' when they see her wedding photo at (age) 22.
Q That must feel so good to you, that you could give her the gift of her story before an audience that receives it so well.
A Yes, well — I owe her.