Timing Is Everything

Extremely late or chronically early? Those highly annoying people who just can’t stick to the schedule

Are you an early bird or a latecomer?

WE ALL HAVE THEM IN OUR LIVES. They live among us just to try our patience. Ms Late and Mr Early. Loved ones who can’t seem to get out of their own way and arrive anywhere on time. It’s a chronic problem, and they know it, but that’s how they roll.

“I’ll be there by 6.30!” Eight it is.

I’ve had conversat ions on the phone: “Dinner will be ready by four o’clock. See you then.”

Hubby will give me a look. “Dinner is at four?”

“No. It’s at six, but I’ve invited Tinkerbell.”

He nods knowingly.

I’ve even been in the room with Tinkerbell and said, “We’d better go,” and she agrees, “Righto!”

Then she turns around and orders a T-shirt she saw online, looks up a quote, checks her email, searches for her handbag, folds her laundry and washes a few dishes while I wait by the door.

But as exasperating as it is to have someone in your life who’s always late, it’s excruciating to have someone who is perpetually early. To be even two minutes late is not an option.

Hubby is in this category. He times things to the minute.

“The movie is at four.” ( No evening shows for us anymore. That’s how you know you’re well and truly retired.) “We have five stops to make before that, so estimating 15 to 20 minutes per stop, not counting traffic or unforeseen circumstances like a flat tyre, we should leave after breakfast.” “You are completely insane!” “Lesley, you know we have to get to the movies early. I hate waiting in line.”

“Well, I hate waiting in line too, but you don’t see me sitting in a darkened theatre for three hours before the show!”

“You’ll thank me later.”

No, I won’t. I won’t be speaking to him for at least a day.

Being too early or too late is an affliction, but it never seems to bother the person who’s actually afflicted. It only affects the poor idiots in their company, who just do their best to show up when they’re supposed to.

I’d just like to know how early in life this behaviour manifests. What is it about our internal clocks that leaves one person unconcerned about time passing, and the other constantly aware of it? If I look at my own family, our son is very laid-back, and he didn’t arrive until nine days after his due date. Our daughter, a spitf ire, arrived before her Christmas Day due date, so maybe it’s hardwired from the very beginning.

I general ly gauge how long something will take and forget about it, the same way I hang pictures without a measuring tape and throw spices in a stew. It’s called the “who cares?” method.

The one thing that does happen is that this behaviour becomes part of the charm of the person you love. You can’t imagine Mr Early ever being late, or Ms Late ever showing up early.

As long as they show up. Period.

YOU DON’T SEE ME WAITING IN A DARKENED THEATRE FOR THREE HOURS